{"id":26061,"date":"2017-08-10T14:12:46","date_gmt":"2017-08-10T18:12:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/?p=26061"},"modified":"2017-08-10T14:12:46","modified_gmt":"2017-08-10T18:12:46","slug":"the-emoji-movie-2017","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/2017\/08\/10\/the-emoji-movie-2017\/","title":{"rendered":"The Emoji Movie (2017)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>What I\u2019m sure was going to set the platform for a Sony movie\/ad universe following up with a The \u201cTic Tac Toe Movie,\u201d The \u201cPeek a Boo Movie,\u201d and \u201cThe Jingle car keys in front our Faces Movie,\u201d \u201cThe Emoji Movie\u201d (aka \u201cThe Sony Press Kit\u201d) is the height of laziness to the point where the script was probably written on a napkin at a some overpriced coffee shop in Beverly Hills. \u201cThe Emoji Movie\u201d is not just bad, but it\u2019s offensively boring, and tedious. It\u2019s \u201cDoogal\u201d bad. It\u2019s \u201cA Shark Tale\u201d bad. There are just so many bafflingly stupid and moronic moments in \u201cThe Emoji Movie,\u201d that I can\u2019t believe any actual writer put all of this down on page with sincerity or the goal of turning any of this in to a pop culture craze.<\/p>\n

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The bland hero \u201cMeh\u201d calls texting \u201cthe greatest invention of all time,\u201d our goofy female heroine goes out of her way to express how feminist and independent she is where she literally tells \u201cMeh\u201d she\u2019s not a princess interested in finding romance. And in the finale when human character Alex gets his smile emoji to his school girl crush, she proclaims \u201cI like a guy who isn\u2019t afraid to express his feelings.\u201d This is literally a movie where a human relationship between two teenagers hinges on a single emoji. I kept waiting for the goofy High school drama song from \u201cFamily Guy\u201d to play: \u201cHigh school is a serious thing! These problems matter!\u201d Sony just aren\u2019t trying anymore, as they seem to be more interested in turning their movies in to cash machines more than anything of actual dignity or substance. \u201cMeh\u201d is literally about as boring in the end as he is in the beginning, \u201cJail Break\u201d is a tepid pastiche of weak feminist tropes, and \u201cHigh Five\u201d is just a rip off of Patrick Starr from \u201cSpongebob\u201d and Oloff from \u201cFrozen\u201d with James Corden\u2019s shrill voice ruining any comedic potential the character has.<\/p>\n

There is literally no character Sony can glom on to with the hopes of banking on their popularity like the minions. And that\u2019s pathetic when you can\u2019t even manufacture something as tepid as the minions. \u201cThe Emoji Movie\u201d is so poorly cobbled together that it can\u2019t even competently use Stephen Wright or Patrick Stewart, the latter of which seems to be in the movie mainly because of his meme-worthy presence on the internet. Sans the \u201cHotel Transylvania\u201d short \u201cPuppy!\u201d in the opening, \u201cThe Emoji Movie\u201d and its soulless excursion clocks in at barely eighty minutes. The rest is nothing but advertisements for products from Sony and Sony affiliates. Spotify! Instagram! Twitter! Candy Crush! Drop Box! They\u2019re not only mentioned, but they\u2019re crucial<\/em><\/strong> plot points, just in case kids are thinking of ignoring the blatant advertising Sony is by no means subtle about including.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe Emoji Movie\u201d is just such a waste of time, and no<\/em><\/strong> child should be subjected to such mindless, vapid, junk food. Please stop, Sony. Just stop. I\u2019m going to go cleanse my palette by re-watching \u201cKubo and the Two Strings,\u201d once again.<\/p>\n