![\"\"](\"http:\/\/i.imgur.com\/X1W2xV6.png\")
<\/p>\nI don\u2019t need a horror channel to remind me I\u2019m a horror fan. I don\u2019t need a channel to play the same old bullshit movies I have in my collection, and then turn into a quasi-horror channel months later playing music videos, and wrestling programs. A channel doesn\u2019t make me an automatic solid horror fan.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been one since I was four.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
But I wanted a great horror show god damn it. The show I wanted to be great, ended up being one giant dry hump sans the stained pants, while the show I expected to flop, ended up being damn good. I speak of \u201cDexter\u201d in that last comparison.<\/p>\n
\u201cMasters of Horror\u201d is a lot like that really hot chick you met in high school. She was good looking without or without makeup, presented many possibilities, you imagined every such situation, and position, and when you and she were finally alone, she really wasn\u2019t much to talk about. And then you\u2019re left with nothing but disappointment.<\/p>\n
\u201cMasters of Horror\u201d had that possibility. It had the ability to take some of the best minds and artists in horror, and bring them together to collaborate and create an amazing series of the sickest folks spinning yarns for the general public\u2026
\nAnd what do we get in return?<\/p>\n
The director of \u201cWrong Turn,\u201d and the director of \u201cChild\u2019s Play\u201d are \u201cMasters of Horror.\u201d And from it? William Forsythe as a demonic clown stalking adults he has a grudge on that ends in him being frozen. Michael Ironside as a gay vampire stalking teenage boys. And a cannibalistic cult of Washington fanatics dressed in powdered wigs banging on a man\u2019s door for a confession that Washington ate little kids.<\/p>\n
Now normally, after a first season of mediocre stories, the second season really would pack a wallop, but with season two, the kicks just kept on coming. Flat political commentary and camp abound in occasional intermissions of pure quality.<\/p>\n
In season two, for every rarity of entertainment, there was sheer idiocy. Season Two began with a bang bringing about the intense and rather dark \u201cThe Damned Thing,\u201d followed by the brutally sick and morbid \u201cFamily,\u201d which starred George Wendt as a Norman Bates pedophile who kidnapped folks, burned their flesh off in acid baths, and paraded their skeletons around his house as the perfect family, and Dario Argento returning for the entertaining \u201cPelts.\u201d<\/p>\n
But then, the shit rose to the surface. Most disappointing of which was John Carpenter\u2019s utterly horrid hack job in \u201cPro-Life\u201d a safe entry that sat cozily on the fence in the issue of pro-life versus pro-choice. Both sides were mocked, both sides were spoofed, and neither came out pretty in Carpenter\u2019s worst directing job period.<\/p>\n
Season two became consistently worse with an awful finale \u201cDream Cruise\u201d which was a typical Asian horror shit fest starring a green ghost with long black hair and a blank stare (original), a nonsensical story, and a typical happy ending.<\/p>\n
How did Showtime fuck up a series with such potential? Lack of creativity? Or perhaps they were just unwilling to push the envelope, tackling dated political commentary a la \u201cRight to Die\u201d with the issue of Terry Schaivo, and even \u201cHomecoming,\u201d a crude satire of the Iraq war.<\/p>\n
Basically, \u201cImprint,\u201d an entry that showed some cojones, was banned, and with it Showtime used that as an excuse to shy away from anything subversive, or truly groundbreaking.<\/p>\n
Garris, the show\u2019s creator, was also allowed to come on board with episodes that were neither horror, nor suspense. \u201cChocolate,\u201d was basically a neo-noir, while \u201cValerie on the Stairs,\u201d was so utterly confusing and demented, that defending it felt like a waste of time.<\/p>\n
Probably the most offensive, based purely on sheer lack of quality, was \u201cThe Washingtonians.\u201d This was an episode I hated so much, I literally screamed into the heavens. Hyperbole, folks. \u201cThe Washingtonians,\u201d in case you didn\u2019t know, is the worst piece of dog crap this series has ever spewed.<\/p>\n
And then, horror fans were left out in the cold with a series that literally accomplished nothing. For once Romero made a wise decision, pulling out from the series early on, and left behind folks like Joe Dante, Wes Craven, and John Carpenter to basically feed us this garbage that showed too many cooks in the kitchen.<\/p>\n
Whether or not it was Showtime\u2019s stranglehold, horrible scripts, or just a plain misstep in ideas, \u201cMasters of Horror\u201d ended season two without much to show for. For a series hyped on Halloween, aired like a world series, and granted with so much talent behind it, it was only able to go away with a few great episodes, and a lot of criticism regarding the creator\u2019s failings.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re ultimately then left with a big \u201cWhat the fuck happened?\u201d at the end of this junk, and that\u2019s a shame.<\/p>\n
Rather than learning from their mistakes, Showtime just continued their brain dead antics. Instead of casting actual directors, looking for actually original scripts, they just branded us with the same garbage, and called it a day.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not sure if it\u2019s coming back for a third season, and personally I don\u2019t give a damn. Showtime fucked up an utter golden opportunity, and I couldn\u2019t be more crushed. It\u2019s not a surprise these episodes are being touted as \u201cshort films\u201d from these directors and sold individually as such, because there\u2019s not a lot to be proud of with the \u201cMasters of Horror\u201d label.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I don\u2019t need a horror channel to remind me I\u2019m a horror fan. I don\u2019t need a channel to play the same old bullshit movies I have in my collection, and then turn into a quasi-horror channel months later playing music videos, and wrestling programs. A channel doesn\u2019t make me an automatic solid horror fan. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,13,17],"tags":[103,477,638,1129],"class_list":["post-296","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-halloween-horror-month","category-pcthugs","category-tv-tomb","tag-anthology","tag-horror","tag-masters-of-horror","tag-tv"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/296","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=296"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/296\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=296"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=296"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=296"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}