{"id":3937,"date":"2006-09-24T15:11:13","date_gmt":"2006-09-24T19:11:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cinemacrazed.wordpress.com\/?p=3937"},"modified":"2006-09-24T15:11:13","modified_gmt":"2006-09-24T19:11:13","slug":"kraken-tentacles-of-the-deep-2006","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/2006\/09\/24\/kraken-tentacles-of-the-deep-2006\/","title":{"rendered":"Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep (2006)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"It\u2019s almost like watching teenagers act out \u201cThe Deep\u201d on a student theater stage somewhere, because in the end, \u201cKraken\u201d is basically just that. It\u2019s a very low rent and C grade variation of \u201cThe Deep,\u201d minus the compelling story, and wonderful characterization. And oh yes, there\u2019s the small case of the acting and lack thereof. This low rent thief stars two people whom will garner two reactions from you. One will be \u201cWho?\u201d while the other will be \u201cO-h-h-h-h-h\u2026 who?\u201d Victoria Pratt, or as I call her \u201cThe hot chick from the crappy X-men show,\u201d stars in \u201cKraken\u201d as a marine biologist looking for an underwater treasure. Stop me, if you\u2019ve heard this one.<\/p>\n

She knows there\u2019s treasure because the books she has spells out the entire legend, origin, background, and other irrelevant details for her, which causes her to spell out every single detail to us the audience. A film that promises a giant squid only serves up ten minutes of squid action. The rest? Well, it\u2019s a low budget variation of \u201cThe Deep,\u201d weren\u2019t you paying attention. There are pirates, a rival group of criminals, and a lot of bad CGI that passes as a giant squid throughout the film. Pratt co-stars with douche bag Charlie O\u2019Connell who looks like a dumber Lou Ferrigno, who is the chiseled, gritty superhero who is supposed to play off Pratt\u2019s character.<\/p>\n

Now, we\u2019re told there\u2019s a giant squid in the water, which we see for a few minutes, and about eighty percent of the character exists through dialogue and conversations about it, all of which are never interesting. \u201cKraken\u201d has your usual vague characterization, and features your usual supporting characters we\u2019re supposed to care for but never do even though they\u2019re offed in a dramatic fashion. But worst of all is the chemistry between Pratt and O\u2019Connell which is like watching two morons sleepwalking side by side. Match O\u2019Connell who has no charisma, with Pratt who is bland, mesh some awful dialogue, and you have some really dull scenes.<\/p>\n

This is their actual \u201csexual tension dialogue\u201d:
\n\u201cThat was\u2026 scary.\u201d
\n\u201cHow about some calamari?\u201d
\n\u201cYou\u2019re asking me out on a date…aren\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

If you didn\u2019t fall asleep reading that dialogue, congratulations to you. And wait until you see Pratt\u2019s Oscar-worthy \u201cbreakdown\u201d: \u201cI. Have. Nothing\u2026 I. Have. Nothing!\u201d And their whole romance\/drama is on par with a typical episode of \u201cBaywatch.\u201d Meanwhile, most defeating about this film is the fact that the title hints at a squid, and we only really see a giant squid for about ten minutes. And even then the creature defies logic, giving loud audible screeches underwater, and killing people in rather lame methods. In the beginning an older sailor is offed in a rather defeating fashion. We have a giant squid and the best we get is him getting strangled by fishing wire? There’s just so much terrible to list, it’s difficult to run down the notes without missing something. Suffice it to say, “Kraken” is another piece of junk from the SciFi Channel with bad acting, a boring plot, and can best be summed up as a monsterless monster movies.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s almost like watching teenagers act out \u201cThe Deep\u201d on a student theater stage somewhere, because in the end, \u201cKraken\u201d is basically just that. It\u2019s a very low rent and C grade variation of \u201cThe Deep,\u201d minus the compelling story, and wonderful characterization. And oh yes, there\u2019s the small case of the acting and lack […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[58,71,349,570,678,906,1087],"class_list":["post-3937","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-movie-reviews","tag-action","tag-adventure","tag-fantasy","tag-k","tag-monsters","tag-science-fiction","tag-thriller"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3937","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3937"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3937\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3937"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3937"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3937"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}