{"id":43560,"date":"2024-04-15T16:13:37","date_gmt":"2024-04-15T20:13:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/?p=43560"},"modified":"2024-04-15T17:48:11","modified_gmt":"2024-04-15T21:48:11","slug":"bad-movie-monday-splatter-farm-1986","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/2024\/04\/15\/bad-movie-monday-splatter-farm-1986\/","title":{"rendered":"Bad Movie Monday: Splatter Farm (1986)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/span>I\u2019ve never really delved into the mad world of the Polonia Brothers before and I think it\u2019s about time I gave their work a gander. The twin brothers gained fame and notoriety all the way back in 1996 when Blockbuster bought the distribution rights to their film Feeders and it became one of the video chain\u2019s most rented indie title that year. Now, before I go on, I have to admit that I\u2019ve tried to watch Feeders several times but I could never really get into it. It just felt really slow and meandering. Perhaps I wasn\u2019t in the right mood. I don\u2019t know. I will watch it one day, I promise. For now, I\u2019m going to review one of their earlier movies SPLATTER FARM.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

SYNOPSIS: Twin brothers (played by John and Mark Polonia) go visit their weird aunt at her farm and discover that her handyman is a psychotic murderer and that she\u2019s into necrophilia and incest.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d go on explaining what happens in the movie, but there isn\u2019t much more to say. The brothers drive to the farm and hang around while bitching about being bored, the phone lines don\u2019t work, their car won\u2019t start so they can\u2019t leave, the handyman kills strangers that wander on the farm, and the aunt acts shady. That\u2019s about it. Still, with the right attitude, this can be a bunch of fun. Don\u2019t think of it as watching a movie, because this is a bit too \u201cGuerrilla Filmmaking\u201d for that, think of it as watching a bunch of kids barely out of high school making a movie.<\/p>\n

Which leads us to my favourite part of any review.<\/p>\n

TEN THINGS I ADMIRE ABOUT THIS MOVIE:<\/p>\n

#1 \u2013 The Polonias made this when they were only eighteen years old. Not only that, but it was their THIRD film. So that\u2019s impressive in and of itself. When I was eighteen I had to sound out the word \u201cWed-nes-day.\u201d to write it down correctly.<\/p>\n

#2 \u2013 As a bad movie expert, I would hazard a guess that Splatter Farm was often shot very loosely so that they could then assemble a story in editing. When you have no money or resources it\u2019s best to not rely too much on a strict interpretation of your script and instead shoot as much footage as possible that can be used almost anywhere in the film. This isn\u2019t to say that the Polonias didn\u2019t have a specific story in mind, it\u2019s just that they seemed to be wise enough to do the best they could with what they had.<\/p>\n

#3 \u2013 The very eighties moustaches on twin brothers John and Mark Polonias are epic. Tom Atkins would be proud.<\/p>\n

#4 \u2013 The music is surprisingly good. It\u2019s not perfect, and I suppose some of the more cranky viewers might think it sounds cheap, but I liked it. It creates a nice weird atmosphere in the film. Trust me, I\u2019ve heard worse.<\/p>\n

#5 \u2013 The 70 minute running time is a godsend. When you\u2019re making trash, always keep it short. You\u2019ll save money and literally no one will ever complain about the brevity.<\/p>\n

#6 \u2013 I was highly amused that the psychotic handyman working on the farm is called Jeremy. Every time the aunt yelled \u201cJEREMY!\u201d I\u2019d look up as if she was talking to me.<\/p>\n

#7 \u2013 I also like how the Polonias got someone\u2019s grandma to play along with them. She\u2019s a good sport and does a lot of crazy stuff, especially at the end.<\/p>\n

#8 \u2013 One location, four actors, a camera, and a vague idea for a story. That\u2019s all you need. Complexity is not necessarily an improvement if you have no money or resources to back it up.<\/p>\n

#9 \u2013 For a film called SPLATTER Farm there isn\u2019t a ton of gore, nor were the effects super well done, but I will say that what the film lacked in technical skill was made up for by the Polonias sheer demented glee.<\/p>\n

#10 \u2013 The twist at the end is worth all the meandering nonsense in the world. That\u2019s how you do it. Always end your movie on a high note!<\/p>\n

WAS THIS REALLY BAD?<\/p>\n

Yes and no. I think the film does drag a bit too much, but it\u2019s also far more dynamic and fast paced than most micro-budget 80s films. The problem is that there\u2019s only a limited amount of things that you can do when all you\u2019ve got is a camera, a few buddies, and a location. Still, they came out of this looking pretty good in my opinion. Do I recommend it? Ehhh… Depends. This requires a bit more patience and affection for bad filmmaking than most of the other movies I\u2019ve reviewed. That said, I\u2019m glad I saw it and I don\u2019t think anyone will feel cheated by this. It\u2019s a couple of kids making a real movie with what they had. That is worthy of respect if nothing else.<\/p>\n

SPLATTER FARM stars Todd Michael Smith as Jeremy, John Polonia as Joseph, Mark Polonia as Alan, and Marion Costly as Aunt Lacey. It was written and directed by John Polonia, Mark Polonia, and Todd Michael Smith.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve never really delved into the mad world of the Polonia Brothers before and I think it\u2019s about time I gave their work a gander. The twin brothers gained fame and notoriety all the way back in 1996 when Blockbuster bought the distribution rights to their film Feeders and it became one of the video […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":22,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3070],"tags":[3383,3384,3382,3076],"class_list":["post-43560","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-badmoviemonday","tag-john-polonia","tag-mark-polonia","tag-polonia-brothers","tag-splatter-film"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43560","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/22"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43560"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43560\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":43570,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43560\/revisions\/43570"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43560"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43560"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43560"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}