{"id":5212,"date":"2008-05-26T11:34:45","date_gmt":"2008-05-26T15:34:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/?p=5212"},"modified":"2008-05-26T11:34:45","modified_gmt":"2008-05-26T15:34:45","slug":"shark-swarm-2008","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/2008\/05\/26\/shark-swarm-2008\/","title":{"rendered":"Shark Swarm (2008)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"shark-swarm-rlstv\"<\/a>I would love to say that this is one of the worst movies I\u2019ve ever seen, I really would, but when all is said and done, it\u2019s really just a typically awful television movie with a three hour run time that is about as necessary as another killer shark movie. When I finished \u201cShark Swarm\u201d I blamed myself for sitting through it, and I completely forgot about it once the credits rolled. Boring as piss, \u201cShark Swarm\u201d is one of the most derivative of the killer animal movies with elements that don\u2019t try to break the mold and instead just follow along with clich\u00e9s incessantly bringing us through the motions until the finale. Sharks are traveling in swarms because well\u2026 we\u2019re never given a real explanation.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s waste being put into the oceans of Full Moon Bay to prevent fishermen from making money, and there\u2019s the inevitably convoluted hint of a discussion about the cause of sharks traveling swarms with a pseudo-ecological terrorist plot on the side of a millionaire looking to turn the struggling town into a massive condominium get away. What\u2019s also never indicated is why he wants to turn the town into a getaway when he\u2019s dumping the waste in to the very water he plans to market as safe in the long run. And there\u2019s never indication if Armand Assante\u2019s Hamilton Lux ever paid for his crimes, nor is there an indication if Lux was arrested and what became of the town. It\u2019s pretty shocking to see a movie run three hours long and never provide any cogency or coherency to the overall scheme. It instead meanders back and forth between characters, and conflicts, and introduces a slew of clich\u00e9 villains and plot elements all derivative of \u201cJaws\u201d and \u201cThe Deep,\u201d with a climax painfully reminiscent of \u201cJaws: The Revenge\u201d with none of the tension or excitement.<\/p>\n

For a self-described \u201cnature run amok\u201d film it\u2019s severely lacking in nature running amok with our shark villains becoming only a secondary passive difficulty, while the writers display large focus on our aquatic pirates who are as about as threatening as your run of the mill soap opera villains who chuck bad dialogue around like it\u2019s out of style. When the gimmick involving the sharks (you know, the main focus of the movie?) wears thin, we\u2019re then thrown into an odd plot that takes heavily from \u201cThe Deep\u201d with scenes almost pulled right out of the aforementioned title. It\u2019s a lot to ask of audiences to sit through the last half especially when the villains are cartoonishly idiotic and mean for the sake of being mean. Take the hostage situation on their boat with their planned murdering of hero Schneider and heroine Hannah.<\/p>\n

Rather than simply shooting the heroes, they engage them in a slow easily escapable death trap worthy of the Joker in the Adam West \u201cBatman\u201d series. Instead of shooting you right here and now, I’ll instead slowly drop you into the water in an easily escapable cage, and rather than ensuring you’re eaten, we’ll just forget about you and convince ourselves you’re dead. This Benchley wannabe never quite delivers on what it promises us. The shark attacks are very brief, the focus on nature is almost non-existent and the ultimate confrontation with the swarm is laughable. You can find better things to do on Memorial Day. Terrible performances, sub-grade special effects, a nonsensical and clich\u00e9 plot, and a considerably lackluster series of villains brings \u201cShark Swarm\u201d into the company of typically forgettable and lame Hallmark original movies that failed on being even the slightest bit of entertainment.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I would love to say that this is one of the worst movies I\u2019ve ever seen, I really would, but when all is said and done, it\u2019s really just a typically awful television movie with a three hour run time that is about as necessary as another killer shark movie. When I finished \u201cShark Swarm\u201d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[58,240,302,477,885,1087],"class_list":["post-5212","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-movie-reviews","tag-action","tag-crime","tag-drama","tag-horror","tag-s","tag-thriller"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5212","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5212"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5212\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5212"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5212"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cinema-crazed.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5212"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}