BOOTLEG FILES 911: “West Virginia Squares” (2014 public television special offering a Mountain State version of “Hollywood Squares”).
LAST SEEN: On YouTube.
AMERICAN HOME VIDEO: None.
REASON FOR BOOTLEG STATUS: Obscure one-shot riff on the classic game show.
CHANCES OF SEEING A COMMERCIAL DVD RELEASE: Nope.
Have you seen the new CBS reboot of “Hollywood Squares,” with Nate Burleson as the host and Drew Barrymore as the center square? If you haven’t, consider yourself lucky – nary a crumb of entertainment value can be located in that tacky, over-caffeinated, significantly unfunny attempt to update the classic game show. But for sheer strangeness, that new version pales in comparison to the 2014 version of “Hollywood Squares” that was made for West Virginia Public Television.
Eleven years ago, someone connected with the West Virginia Music Hall of Fame decided to produce a special version of “Hollywood Squares” that would be presented during FestivAll, a multi-arts festival held annually in Charleston, West Virginia. Peter Marshall, the original “Hollywood Squares” host, was a native of the state and was an inductee into the West Virginia Music Hall of Fame, and he was recruited to host this production. A new version of the oversized tic-tac-toe board from “Hollywood Squares” was constructed and populated with a nine-person panel consisted mostly of entertainment figures with a West Virginia connection.
However, nearly all these local celebrities came with significant low star wattage – these included “America’s Got Talent” winner Landau Eugene Murphy Jr., Tony Award winner Michael Cerveris, Miss West Virginia Charisse Hailsop and “Chasing Nashville” star Autumn Blair. The only panelist who had any degree of name recognition was Joyce DeWitt, the “Three’s Company” star who was born in the state and was also a celebrity guest on “Hollywood Squares.”
West Virginia was also the focus of the questions being asked by Marshall – inquiries about state history or music involving homegrown talent were put forth. Four episodes were staged on June 23 and June 24 in 2014 that were streamed live on West Virginia Public Broadcasting’s YouTube page and were later available on the WVPublic.org website.
One of the episodes can be found on YouTube and, to be kind, it is something of a mess. Granted, it is a well-intended and humble mess, but it is a mess just the same.
Part of the problem was that Marshall was not up to the task of hosting the show. He was 88 at the time and he acknowledged that his hearing was not strong, which resulted in having him ask the players to repeat themselves. At one point, he read a lengthy multiple-choice question to a contestant before realizing the contestant had yet to choose a panelist seated on the giant board. He also gave a circle to a square that should have received an X, but mercifully the set operator put the correct mark on the board.
The contestants in the available episode were also less than stellar – a pair of teenagers who gave the impression they’d rather be somewhere else. But that was no surprise, considering they were being ask to decipher questions that were mostly pegged to the music of earlier generations and niche music tastes. As Marshall noted after reading a polka-related inquiry, “We have a lot of Frankie Yankovic questions.”
As for the WV-list stars, they were a slightly dull but pleasant bunch who mercifully didn’t try to be hilarious, which is a constant problem on the new CBS reboot. Joyce DeWitt, who had difficulty getting her first few questions right, got the biggest laugh when she sincerely declared upon being called on once more, “This is a disaster waiting to happen.” The half-hour episode that is online ended abruptly without acknowledging who won the game and announcing what (if any) prizes the contestants might have received for their troubles.
In fairness, “West Virginia Squares” was not meant to be seen outside of the state – and certainly not by anyone who had little interest in West Virginia music or history. Watching this episode is like watching a home video made by people with whom you no familiarity – you can painlessly observe the shenanigans being displayed on camera without having any sense of affinity with the people on screen. There are worse ways to spend your viewing time, as Nate Burleson and Drew Barrymore can affirm.
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