Able to leap tall booties in a single bound, it’s Superman XXX! As a long time Superman fan since the age of five, I’ve found myself oddly intrigued by what they could do with a Superman related porno movie. Batman and Wonder Woman are easy targets for porn parodies. Batman’s entire shtick is based around black outfits and hanging around young girls and boys in caves, while Wonder Woman’s entire crime fighting routine is based on bondage and wrapping men in rope to get them to do and say what she wants. She’s the original dominatrix. But Superman is a tougher concept mainly because he’s such a boy scout it’s tough to imagine anything with Superman even remotely pornographic.
Besides that, I have to flash my nerd card and insist that Superman can not have sex with anyone unless powered down. A ram from behind would send a woman’s entire spine through her mouth. A Shot on the face would be like an actual shot to the face. And a blowjob would be like shoving a brick in to a girl’s mouth should teeth accidentally block the entrance. Nevertheless, my fan boy prudishness aside, I was anxiously awaiting Superman XXX and lo and behold, I was not let down, not in the least.
There’s even a prologue including Jor El putting the Phantom Zone prisoners on trial in front of the Kryptonian council! Axel Braun has a real talent for creating some of the most entertaining and hilarious porn spoofs on the market, and with Superman XXX he simply doesn’t skimp on the comedic potential. He even includes the three Phantom Zone Menaces as Ben English gives new meaning to the term “Kneel Before Zod.” In one instance Lois Lane refuses to give up the location of Superman to Zod and his minions so they:
a) Crush her spine and make her talk
b) Bend her fingers back and threaten her life
c) Engage in a witty back and forth
d) Triple team her from all corners of the room
If you chose D, then it’s the head of the class for you!
Zoe Voss is incredibly sexy as Ursa, Zod’s minion, while Andy San Dimas is perfectly scorching as the loyal and lovely Lois Lane, who refuses to give up Superman. Even when she’s being eaten out by Ursa. You have to appreciate that commitment. And Ryan Driller doesn’t have to do much except look like Superman and Clark Kent, and he succeeds on both fronts, especially when deadpanning goofy Superman dialogue while going down on Lois Lane. Of course that doesn’t stop Lex Luthor (Eric Masterson is delightfully snarky as Lex) from getting in on the games as he plans to ally with the Phantom Zone Menaces and even takes time out to drill his assistant Tessmacherrrr! Helll, even Jimmy Olsen gets in on the fun, banging a secretary in a closet room, at one point preventing Clark from changing outfits and becoming Superman.
“Superman XXX” is of course a porn parody of the Richard Donner films, so of course there’s nothing here from the comic books. So when Superman and Lois finally have their first date after he saves her life from the menaces around the world that threaten her, they have dinner, he takes her to fly, she bends down and blows him, and they engage in some hardcore anal. Cue closing credits. Hey, we never saw what actually happened after the date was over in the movie, so anything is possible! Axel Braun does it again in what is a top notch porn parody of my favorite superhero of all time. He embraces the general camp of the original Richard Donner films while enhancing the movie with some of his trademark sex scenes that are hardcore enough for the fan boys who have always wanted to see Ursa and Lois Lane do some girl on girl.
Superman enjoys pink very much, Lois.