Director and writer Nicole Holofcener’s film is usually something I turn my nose up at if only because I’m not a fan of affluent people complaining about their lives for ninety minutes. However, I really did respond to “You Hurt My Feelings” mainly because despite the setting, Holofcener reaches down deep to tell a movie not just about the struggles with impostor syndrome in writers, but also about the concept of confrontations and the sense of grief and pain that follows when we’re subject to an uneasy truth or revelation.
Beth, a writer who struggles with a lack of self-confidence, and her marriage with unsuccessful therapist Don is affected by a betrayal. Before this, they had a peaceful but co-dependent relationship, which makes their only child uncomfortable. Beth’s sister helps her cope with the pain, possibly because of her own struggles with husband Mark, who is a struggling actor. Struggling to get her newest book published, Beth overhears Don bashing her book to his friend. Feeling betrayed she’s forced to re-examine their whole relationship which creates a chain reaction among her sister and young son (Owen Teague).
I really liked the chemistry between the collective cast with Julie Louis Dreyfuss being the lynchpin that holds the movie together. Apart from the central tension with her husband Don, there’s also some considerable tension with Beth and her mother Georgia. Played brilliantly by Jeannie Berlin, she plays Georgia as a grating, passive aggressive influence on Beth and her sister Sarah. They offer some of the banner moments of the movie, as their clashing personalities almost always amount to some kind of argument. Holofcener also explores a lot of how we never truly know someone as well as think we may, because there’s almost always a chance we’re holding something back to spare their feelings.
Tobias Menzies is very good as Louis-Dreyfuss’ husband Don, who spends all of his time working with patients that are either too upfront about their lives, or not enough. The one time he decides to be brutally honest, it creates a considerable rift between him and his wife Beth. It’s a surprisingly emotional turn of events that will speak to anyone that devotes their time to art of any kind. Just knowing that hard truth that your loved one doesn’t like your work is just soul crushing. That said, I found the segments with David Cross and real life wife Amber Tamblyn not only irritating, but they completely ground the momentum of the film’s narrative to a halt.
None of their interplay amounts to much, while their handful of scenes never spark any insight in to Don or his life as a psychiatrist. The movie tends to shy away from Don coming to any kind of self-realization that Beth or their son do. In either case, it doesn’t hinder the experience of “You Hurt My Feelings” as an absolutely engaging, albeit simple comedy that grapples with interesting themes.