I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that 1981 was the single greatest year for werewolf movies. Not only did three of them come out back to back over the course of a few months, but all three were some of the best in the genre: The Howling, Wolfen, and An American Werewolf in London. What makes this particular year even more impressive is that there hasn’t really been another truly great werewolf movie since. I mean, movies like Ginger Snaps aren’t bad or anything, but they’re not on the same level as the holy lupine trinity. So with three amazing choices, what did I watch last Monday? Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf of course!
The film opens with Christopher Lee, standing in front of a space background, narrating with that great sonorous voice of his “For it is written: The inhabitants of the Earth have been made drunk with her blood. And I saw her sit upon the hairy beast. And she held forth a gold chalice. Full of the filthiness of her fornications. And upon her forehead was written: Behold! I am the great mother of harlots and all abominations of the Earth.”
My advice is to stop the movie right then and there. That’s literally the best part. It’s not going to get better. Although, I will say that the theme song when the credits play is pretty cool. Anything further than that though, enter at your own risk.
So what’s Howling II about? Well, it’s a very loose sequel that picks up a few days after the ending of the 1981 Joe Dante film. Ben, the brother of a character who died in the original, and close friend Jenny, team up with an Occult Investigator named Stefan Crosscoe (Christopher Lee) to go battle a werewolf cult led by Stirba (Sybil Danning) in Transylvania.
It’s a serviceable plot and it’s not as completely silly as I remembered it, but it’s got serious problems with pacing. Basically, the entire movie consists of our main characters ending up someplace where the bad guys do something bad, and then we move on to the next scene. On and on, rinse and repeat, until the end. This film doesn’t feel like it had a script, it feels like a bunch of random ideas that were hastily scrawled on napkins two days before they started shooting.
Look, I get it. Gary Brandner, the guy who wrote the novel that the first movie was based on, didn’t like all the changes Joe Dante made. So he worked on the sequel in order to “do it right” I understand his frustration. However, if you’re going to try to show everyone how it’s done you might want to do something good. Howling II (Aka: Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf, Aka: Howling II: Stirba – Werewolf Bitch) isn’t so much an actual movie as it is a Czechoslovakian money laundering scheme. I’m only sort of kidding.
So, was it actually a bad movie?
Good Gawd YES. There’s a certain nostalgia factor to be had. After all, the last time I watched this I was 13 and the whole world felt new, and VHS was king, and popping your collar was cool. However, beyond that, I can’t really recommend it. It’s slow and stupid and boring. There’s a lot of nudity, which normally would be a plus for me, but it’s werewolf nudity so the fur is covering all the parts you might want to see. The only human breasts you’ll see in this whole movie appear during a very quick topless shot of Sybil Danning, and that’s all. The werewolf stalking and killing human scenes are amusing, the first one is paced like a music video, but meh at best. There’s no tension in any of them. The werewolf effects are also nowhere near what Rob Bottin did with The Howling and that, above everything else, is what really hurts the film. Steve Johnson did the effects for the sequel, and I’m sure he did his best because he’s a really talented guy, but the money and time just aren’t there. In the end, that’s the ultimate critique of this film: No time. No Money. Howling II ends up too stupid to be good, but too bland to be fun. There’s better and far more worthy films out there.
HOWLING II: YOUR SISTER IS A WEREWOLF stars Christopher Lee as Stefan Crosscoe, Annie McEnroe as Jenny Templeton, Reb Brown as Ben White, Marsha Hunt as Mariana, and Sybil Danning as Stirba. It was written by Robert Sarno and Gary Brandner, and directed by Philippe Mora.
