A stamp dealer reluctantly offers to help a woman on the run from her abusive boyfriend, inadvertently putting himself into a complicated mess where nothing is as it seems.
I love independent films. I promise I do. And I love it even more when someone has the confidence to wear multiple hats during production, and I will always commend that valiant effort… when it’s actually worth commending. Cover is no such case. It’s bad from pretty much every angle, and while I always try to focus on the redemptive qualities and the positive aspects, those really are few and far between here. I want to say that any film is subjective, and it’s up to the viewer to decide what constitutes a truly awful movie, but Cover is one of those films that makes all of us, even those who aren’t filmmakers, feel like they could pick up the nearest iPhone and throw together a better film in about 10 minutes. Especially since this one looks like it was shot by a kid on his dad’s iPhone that was salvaged from a fire and dropped in battery acid.
Cameron Francis certainly has an idea of what it takes to be a filmmaker… but his execution needs some serious work. The angles are unprofessional, the style is inconsistent, and it’s just an overall bad film. Even his attempts at adding a “visual flair” to the project wind up looking like it was a glitch in the matrix. And it hurts me to say this, because I always want to support those filmmakers who do the writing/directing/acting thing, but Cover is an absolute masterclass in everything that gives those ambitious filmmakers a bad name. Unless you’re Tarantino, having your name credited in virtually every aspect of production comes off as unprofessional and ultimately gives the film a bad name upfront. Cover is the perfect example of why that is. You have to know what you’re doing with a script and a camera, and Francis just doesn’t.
Even his performance leaves a lot to be desired. Oftentimes, a writer playing the character they’ve written can feel like a meaningful expression. They know the character intimately, and therefore they become the best person to play the role. That’s not the case here, either. Francis gives us a performance that ranges from mildly constipated, to “oh, snap, my pants are moist!” all the way up to searching for the nearest exit because he’s about to shit his pants. But it isn’t just him who gives a shoddy, uninspired performance. Virtually everyone in this film feels tonally awkward, vaguely cardboard, and flatter than Kelly Ripa, making the entire film feel like an absolute slog to get through. Nay, I say “suffer through” instead. Jamie-Lyn Markos is as bad as Francis, with her performance ranging from bored, to “did he just say ‘oh snap’ and ‘moist’ in the same sentence?” all the way up to “dear God, where is the next exit before he shits this whole car?” And as if the directorial style wasn’t enough to tell you it’s bad, the unprofessionalism of the performances will definitely drive the point all the way home, out the backdoor, and into the shed, and it shot your dog on the way there.
I almost feel bad for Pomeroy Tucker, trying to play cinematographer to a film that obviously had such detrimental budget constraints that I’m assuming “lighting” involved handing him a flashlight and telling him to make it work. There’s no score, no proper filming equipment, and no choreographer. Action sequences are as bad as you might expect, and I can’t help but scream about how much I would’ve rather this film not have been released at all.
Cover just doesn’t work. It’s not even endearingly awful, it’s just truly bad in every way possible, and I can only hope that everyone involved takes this as a lesson in how not to make a movie. This is a black mark on the career of anyone involved. It’s literally the film equivalent of the word “moist.” Real, honestly talented independent filmmakers are struggling with imposter syndrome. Meanwhile, Cameron Francis is fully confident in putting uncomfortable close ups of his “Bill Pullman if he worked at 7-11” face out there in nearly every single frame of a truly atrocious film.
If you need a boost to your confidence and a reason to not quit the film industry, check out Cover.