Directors Jonathan Milott and Cary Murnion couldn’t have assembled a better troupe of character actors than the one in “Cooties.” If you’re going to cast some of the best, you’d best put them in a good movie, and “Cooties” is great. It’s part “Class of Nuke Em High,” part “28 Days Later,” and part “Night of the Living Dead.” The team of Murnion and Milott compose a sick and hilarious amalgam of horror comedy that actually manages to build a very difficult premise. How do you fight hordes of children? And even if small children were running rampant and eating people, would you be able to murder them out of self defense?
Clint is starting his first day teaching summer school at Fort Chicken elementary school and is preparing for a hard go of it with some rather bratty children populating his school. Things go from bad to worse when a young girl bites in to a tainted chicken nugget that infects her with a horrible virus that transforms her in to a flesh eating savage.
After infecting one of her classmates, the virus is quickly spread among the student body, all of whom begin ripping in to the faculty and using their guts for lunch. Horrified and left locked in school, Clint, along with a small staff of substitute teachers, have to figure out a way to escape the school without being mauled by the children. As events spiral out of control, obstacles begin to present themselves making their survival nightmarish, including a trek to a vending machine, efforts to warn incoming parents, and fighting their way to safety.
“Cooties” is strictly a dark comedy that focuses on some sick laughs before creeping out audiences, and I was entertained from beginning to end. It also furthers my theory that deep down kids are rotten little monsters that can work together to do some horrible damage. The directorial team, paired with the great writing keeps “Cooties” laugh out loud funny, while also unfolding an apocalyptic situation that’s eerily plausible.
It helps that the cast tackle the script with ace comic timing, including Elijah Wood, and Allison Pill, as well Rainn Wilson who almost steals the show as blowhard gym teacher Wade. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Jack McBrayer, Nasim Pedrad, Jorge Garcia, and (writer) Leigh Whannell, who is among the cast. The directing team is wise in setting up our characters, and propping up some very subtle foreshadowing all the while chronicling the extent of damage the virus inflicts in the background. We, as an audience, are put in to a position where we know more than the teachers. So while they’re in their offices attempting conversation, we just know outside in the playground blood soaked chaos is exploding. It then becomes a matter of how long it’ll take for them to realize it, and how they’ll respond to it.
“Cooties” is briskly paced and matches our adult characters against impossible odds; surely the adults have size and strength, but the more they gain knowledge about the virus, the more they realize they’re hopelessly outnumbered and outwitted. What’s worse is that the school is drawn as a very claustrophobic setting where characters can barely flee for their lives, especially when going up against foes that can squeeze in to small spaces and dart from dark corners. That said, “Cooties” suffers from a hopelessly exhausting third act where it becomes clear the writers didn’t know how to end the narrative. True, how do you end a movie about the apocalypse? That doesn’t excuse what feels like a finale running on fumes. Jorge Garcia is also given little to nothing to do except act as a running gag for the movie, which is pretty sad. “Cooties” is nonetheless a raucous and fun horror comedy that succeeds in delivering creeps and hearty laughter. This will definitely live on as a party movie best enjoyed by a crowd of horror geeks in the mood for grue, gore, and a breezy horror ride.