BOOTLEG FILES 846: “Microsoft Windows 95 Video Guide” (1995 instructional video starring Jennifer Aniston and Matthew Perry).
LAST SEEN: On YouTube and Archive.org.
AMERICAN HOME VIDEO: Only the original VHS release.
REASON FOR BOOTLEG STATUS: It no longer has any perceived value.
CHANCES OF SEEING A COMMERCIAL DVD RELEASE: Not likely.
When Matthew Perry passed away last Saturday, the obituaries and tributes focused heavily on his role as Chandler Bing in the NBC sitcom “Friends.” There was some mention of his other work, particularly his Emmy-nominated performances on “The West Wing,” his brief foray into film acting with forgettable flicks like “The Whole Nine Yards,” and his two-season reboot of “The Odd Couple.”
Curiously absent from most of the Perry tributes was his starring role with “Friends” co-star Jennifer Aniston in a straight-to-video instructional production called “Microsoft Windows 95 Video Guide.” Most people may not recall that Microsoft hired the sitcom actors to teach people how to use their most ambitious-to-date offering. Not surprisingly, this strange little offering comes across like a third-rate parody of “Friends.”
Now, I know it is bad form to speak poorly of the recently deceased but I was never a fan of Perry’s work on “Friends.” I thought the series was badly written and the Chandler character was the least endearing of the central figures – the writers gave Chandler tiresome and unfunny sarcastic quips and Perry, either through his own shortcomings as an actor or because of terrible direction, spat out his lines with no sense of wit or irony.
In “Microsoft Windows 95 Video Guide,” Perry and Aniston identify as themselves, but they are rehashing their “Friends” characters – Perry is saddled with sarcastic cracks and Aniston acts vaguely cute. In this go-round, they are visiting Microsoft headquarters to meet with the company’s chief, Bill Gates, who promised a demonstration of the new Windows 95 operating system.
However, Gates is not in his office – nor is he in the video, which is something of a blessing as he is far more emetic than the combined “Friends” cast. Instead, his self-described “loyal assistant” Bernice Keppleman serves as Gates’ substitute host. Perry spies the severe-looking woman and dubs her “The Wicked Witch of Windows” (which is probably the funniest thing in this video). Keppleman (played by Marilyn Pasekoff) speaks with a heavy Noo Yawk dialect and drops references to Lindy’s and Barbra Streisand – yeah, the comedy is that level.
In their initial spin on Windows 95, Aniston portrays the computer-illiterate cutie who has no idea what she is looking at while Perry is a bit more savvy – he acknowledged the breakthrough of being able to have longer file names on the new system, recalling how he lost files in college because he couldn’t recall the codes that doubled as short file names.
A great deal of the consideration of Windows 95 involves Aniston and Perry discovering that they can use their PC to send a faxed menu to a Chinese restaurant. Their meal is delivered by a guy riding a bicycle and wearing the head of a Chinese New Year dragon – but once the dragon head is removed, he’s revealed to be a blonde guy with an Asian headband speaking in Mr. Miyagi-style mysticism. The video also includes a nerdy guy with glasses named Chipster (a Gates wannabe), a fat Russian named Boris (Keppleman remarks that he is active in “drive-thru windows”), a tween gamer and some dumb rockers.
Mercifully, these mirth-free misfits only take up the first third of the hour-long video. The second third repeats most of what was discussed in the first third but without the stereotypes and lame attempts at humor, while the final third does a Q&A that repeats the info from the first two-thirds.
“Microsoft Windows 95 Video Guide” had a brief distribution when the operating system was new, but it quickly became antiquated as Microsoft updated Windows. Not surprisingly, it was only made available on VHS video – the likelihood of a DVD or Blu-ray release is nil.
Some fun folks made unauthorized uploads of the title to YouTube and Archive.org. If you’re nostalgic for the 90s, it is worth a peek. Otherwise, to flip the “Friends” theme, you don’t need to be there for it.
IMPORTANT NOTICE: While this weekly column acknowledges the presence of rare film and television productions through the so-called collector-to-collector market, this should not be seen as encouraging or condoning the unauthorized duplication and distribution of copyright-protected material, either through DVDs or Blu-ray discs or through postings on Internet video sites.
Listen to Phil Hall’s award-winning podcast “The Online Movie Show with Phil Hall” on SoundCloud and his radio show “Nutmeg Chatter” on WAPJ-FM in Torrington, Connecticut, with a new episode every Sunday. His new book “100 Years of Wall Street Crooks” is now in release through Bicep Books.