It’s almost impossible to explain to the “kids” today what the short lived but intense fascination that studios had with 3D back in the eighties was all about. Because I was there at the time and I still don’t know what it was all about. If you’re not hip to eighties stuff, let me explain. Between 1981 and 1983 there were around a dozen movies shot in 3D. Among those released were: Coming at Ya, Parasite, Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone, Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn. Jaws 3D, Friday The 13th Part 3 in 3D, along with today’s film Amityville 3D. Truth be told, it all seemed like a pointless waste of money.
Other than the first two to come out (Coming at Ya and Parasite) none of the other movies seem to have profited much from the novelty. Yes, the Friday and Jaws sequels made a tidy little return, but you could argue that they would have made the same amount of money regardless. The others all pretty much under performed or outright bombed, and the ONLY one that is considered anything close to good today is Friday the 13th Part 3.
Which brings us to today’s movie, AMITYVILLE 3D, which will be celebrating it’s 40th Anniversary on November 18th. I watched this on VHS when it was released on home video in the summer of 1984, a little bit before I turned 11. It has the honour of being the first horror movie I ever saw by myself without my parents around to supervise. So I have a deep fondness for this dumb thing. It’s not the scariest movie in the world, it’s hardly the best Amityville sequel, and I’ve never even seen it in the original 3D, but it does have its charms.
The film stars Tony Roberts as John Baxter, Tess Harper as Nancy Baxter, Robert Joy as Dr. Elliot West, Candy Clark as Melanie, Lori Loughlin as Susan Baxter, and Meg Ryan as Lisa. It was directed by Richard Fleischer (Tora! Tora! Tora!, Soylent Green, Mr. Majestyk) and written by David Ambrose (The Fifth Musketeer, The Final Countdown, D.A.R.Y.L.) under the pseudonym “William Wales”. If nothing else, there’s a lot of competent people in front and behind the screen.
Before I begin a proper review, I’d like to share my thoughts about the Amityville franchise itself. I hold the first movie in high regard. It is an amazingly well written ghost story, based on the brilliant novel by Jay Anson, with a near perfect musical score by Lalo Schifrin and some really great sinister cinematography by Fred J. Koenekamp. It squeezes every bit of menace out of the Amityville house, with it’s two “window eyes” and eerie dried up “gateway to Hell” well in the basement. Let’s not even mention James Brolin’s at his legendary bearded best and Margot Kidder at her most smoking hot. If you’ve never seen it, I highly recommend it.
However, brilliant or not, the movie is marred by the fact that it piggybacks off a very real life murder spree in which Ronald Dafeo Jr. killed his entire family. He shot both his parents and his four brothers and sisters while they were sleeping in their bedrooms at the Amityville house in 1974. Both the first and second film in the franchise posit that he was possessed by some demonic force. However, let’s all tune our radios to Sanity FM. The boring reality is that he just wanted his parent’s money and he didn’t want to share his inheritance with any of his siblings. It was a dumb, psychotic, and simple, motivation. No demons. No ghosts. No ancient Native American burial grounds. No possession. He got caught because he was as stupid as he was cruel and greedy. Then came George and Kathy Lutz, who bought the house and weaved their inability to pay their fucking bills into a bestseller about the supernatural. There is more to it than that, but I won’t go into it because it’s too long and depressing. Also, unlike almost everyone involved in this scam, I believe in showing respect to the dead. So, as much as I like the first film (and book) and respect the second film, I really do have to keep them on a separate plane from the reality they were based on.
The reason I like Amityville 3D so much is that it’s the first movie to not base itself on either the Lutz or Dafeo story, and thus give no money to any of the scammers that were exploiting death and misery for profit. It’s just pure crass entertainment based on vaguely hinted at “stuff” that happened in an old house. The film doesn’t go into too much detail about why the house is haunted or by what. It just is. Partially, this is because it actually isn’t a sequel to the other films. It’s just Amityville… in 3D! Hey, it’s not the filmmakers fault that this picture could be seen as the third in a trilogy. The “3” stands for 3D not Part 3. They even warned viewers right on the poster “This picture is not a sequel to the pictures “The Amityville Horror” or “Amityville II: The Possession”
God I love it when scammers get scammed. Hah!
I think the reason Amityville 3D often gets lumped into the “bad” movie pile is because of two things The gimmicky nature of 3D and the fact that Lalo Schifrin didn’t do the score. Instead, we get a more generic “spooky” soundtrack by Howard Blake. To be very very fair, it’s not bad at all and I actually quite like the music in this. It’s just not as iconic as the original. Personally, I think the whole film is kind of underrated. The cast is great. The premise is great. The pacing is… not so great. It’s fairly tight at the beginning, but loses steam in the middle as the story kind of meanders a bit, then it comes back to life for the third act.
WHAT’S THE STORY JEREMY?
After exposing con men using the Amityville House to scam grieving families, journalist and skeptic John Baxter (Tony Roberts) buys the property for cheap. He then moves in and discovers that the place is actually haunted by something evil and demonic. Worse, this evil is after him and his loved ones now. Eventually, Baxter enlists the help of paranormal investigator Doctor Elliot West (Robert Joy) to try and help.
The storyline is a bit more tortuous and convoluted than what I’m making it out to be, I couldn’t write a proper synopsis to save my fucking life, but you get the overall gist of it. Besides, I don’t want to spoil it too much. For better or for worse, this movie makes some genuinely surprising choices.
TEN THOUGHTS I HAD WHILE WATCHING THE MOVIE:
#1 – There is something very meta about the film’s premise of con men, who are using the house’s tragic history to make money, being exposed as frauds.
#2 – There is not a single bad actor in the entire cast. Tony Roberts, Tess Harper, Candy Clark, Robert Joy. They may sometimes be wasted, but nobody here is untalented.
#3 – Speaking of the cast, I would have watched a whole movie about Doctor Elliot West. Robert Joy’s a great actor and he’s playing a great underused character.
#4 – This movie is never really scary, but it’s always spooky. I kind of like that.
#5 – One downside is that this movie contains not one, but two, of my least favourite horror tropes: The skeptic who refuses to believe that there’s anything supernatural going on no matter how much proof is thrown into their face, and the hysterical ninny who immediately jumps to the conclusion that there’s something supernatural going on because they have a bad feeling. The fact that the filmmakers managed to use both in the same film is actually kind of impressive. You’d think they’d cancel each other out.
#6 – Another downside is that the film’s pace gets a tiny bit slow around the 40 or 45 minute mark and doesn’t pick up again until around about an hour and ten minutes. It’s nothing serious, and I’ve seen a whole lot worse, but you’ll start to get frustrated by how dismissive the main character is to weird stuff happening to him. That said, there’s some nuggets of eighties horror movie gold to be found during this part.
#7 – This film has one of the most horrifying death scenes I’ve ever seen. Not just that, but it has a really cool aftermath. Remember kids, skeletons are ALWAYS cool in a horror movie.
#8 – I find it weird that the movie just sort of glosses over how sinister Doctor Elliot West is. He’s not HERBERT West or anything, but this man is up to something. The movie never tells us what, but I wish it did.
#9 – All the scenes with the paranormal investigators could have been punched up. So much wasted potential here.
#10 – I have to admire the movie’s rather definitive ending. I won’t spoil it, but let’s just say that of all the 3D movies that came out in the eighties this one utilized all three dimensions the most effectively in it’s finale.
WAS IT REALLY BAD?
No, not at all. I don’t think this movie will blow your mind or anything. Nor is it unfairly underrated. Critics didn’t like it at the time and I sort of understand why. However, it is a proper spook story. It has some great little moments and more than a few fun little scenes. It also uses it’s 3D rather effectively. It’s not just pointing stuff at the camera. So, if you don’t jump into it expecting something of the same calibre as THE HAUNTING or THE SHINING, or even the original THE AMITYVILLE HORROR, then you might actually enjoy yourselves. Give it a shot. You could do a lot worse, trust me.
