A scientist, a crew of mercenaries, and a family try to survive a stranding on an island filled with mutated dinosaurs in the profoundly disappointing Jurassic World: Rebirth.
The original Jurassic Park is my favorite film. It will likely be forever, it’s been locked in since I was eleven; a hard hump to get over. Honestly, Jurassic Park is the best movie of all time. It has a strong sense of wonder and character, the perfect melding of effects and film technique, and it’s a great creature feature. I credit it as the film that made me love film. The glut of “making of” details opened my eleven-year-old eyes to the Hows of Filmmaking. It’s a perfect movie and still holds up after countless viewings.
Spawning from Michael Crichton’s book, the remainder of the franchise has been very uneven across the six sequels, often eschewing the underlying messaging in favor of the chomp chomps.
The Lost World is a mess with a good idea within, having the impossible task of living up to 1993. JPIII is a lean, willingly goofy chase movie. I like Jurassic World despite its big flaws; fantastic to run with a working (heh) park. Its follow-ups, Fallen Kingdom and Dominion, had moments within their inanity (and Fallen Kingdom looks great). Ups and downs, yes, but fun sequences with plenty of dino action. None have come close to reaching the minute perfections of the sequences of Jurassic Park. But they’ve all had things that worked, although stretched to the breaking point. Stretched so far, it snapped back with the latter half cashing in on nostalgia.
Rebirth goes further in, becoming the dullest of nostalgia bait, essentially functioning as franchise greatest hits. Adult and children working their way across the park to the relative safety of buildings? A party stalking through the tall grass? InGen scientists creating genetic monstrosities for … reasons? Hunters tracking specimens to gather? Abandoned lab and town to fight through? A velociraptor hunt and stalk in a room with freezers and long corridors? Shots ripped so directly from the other entries, it’s more insulting than homage?
As if that’s not enough, Rebirth tosses in heavy doses of Jaws and Alien/s into the bowl of ‘memberberries because, sure, why not; whether it be a Burke-like character or a “oh joy, another Bigger Teeth and Meaner” Rex hybrid’s Xenomophic dome. (Woof, this guy is wasted, existing for marketing.)
It’s tired, tepid, toothless (most chomp-chomp is off screen and presented with a shrug), and lacking in tension or even basic Popcorn Excitement. It’s a shame Gareth Edwards fumbles so hard. I love his 2014 Godzilla (and Rogue One). He’s a great pick, as Monsters was a Spielbergian take on kaiju, and Godzilla was often a loving homage to Jurassic Park. But it also used its awesome scale, a beautiful build to the big action, and a massive sense of adventure. Also disappointing for David Koepp, returning to write after Jurassic Park and The Lost World. But it’s not too much of a surprise. Koepp is fantastic at writing small, tight films like Black Bag, but iffy when going large like The Mummy 2017.
It’s not all for naught; among the familiar are a few sequences that are clever and work on their own. A chase book readers have been waiting for since 1990 is finally used, featuring a great-looking T. Rex. A cliff sequence is thrilling when not composited. Unfortunately, both of the sequences are over as soon as they begin. The lush physical locations look great. The physical dinosaurs, when allowed to exist, look awesome. Most of the CG ones look good, but many look incomplete. With each entry, the filmmakers forget it was originally used sparingly, mixed with the practical effects to make the dinosaurs feel alive. Even when they look good in Rebirth, they feel too digital and fake.
Rebirth just feels deflated. Maybe it was a bad idea to start the main course by beating into the audience “dinosaurs are so done” (after a great tongue-in-cheek opening that sadly didn’t set the tone for the rest). In the five years since Dominion, the resurrected creatures are just a part of life, living in zoos and secluded islands. To help the world and his career, a scientist goes with mercenaries to yet another InGen Research Island to get samples. On the way, they rescue a family on their collapsed boat, and all get stranded on the island. Each group makes its way to safety and tries to achieve goals, often making a series of dumb decisions to make it go. It might be better if they were interesting, but all are nearly cyphers – a few are given a little tragic backstory, but it’s not enough to make us care.
The performances can’t bridge the bad writing. Aren’t award-winning actors Scarlett Johannsen and Mahershala Ali the leads? They sure are. But both phone it in. Scarlett can hardly keep the smirk of seeing all the zeros on her paycheck off her face, and Ali wants to be anywhere else. The family, including Manuel Garcia-Rulfo and Luna Blaise, are all dire and barely makes an impression. Jonathan Bailey almost brings something to Goofy Scientist, but he has no one to play off of. The cast can barely muster pretending to be afraid or acting like they’re in danger. It’s flat across the board in performance and thrill.
Jurassic Park: Rebirth is a sorry reminder of better films, in this franchise and without. Maybe it’s a good pick if you can’t decide whether to watch Jurassic Park, Aliens, or Jaws, “maybe a little of each, but lifeless.” I’m more sad than anything else, with my love of this franchise. I’ve said even the sequels get fun when they get chompy, and Rebirth even fails at that. Maybe it’s time to let Jurassic Park stay extinct.