I haven’t been to the movies since 2011, but I don’t remember a time where going to the movies resulted in an undisturbed experience. The only times I ever spent watching movies in a theater without an asshole destroying my experience were when I took in a matinee during the middle of a work and school week. That said, I spent a good portion of my childhood in movie theaters, and though the novelty eventually wore off, I left with some great and some horrible anecdotes to spare. Years ago I wrote a list of my worst experiences for Crave, and thought I’d re-post the five worst from the original top ten. I still love movies and the movie going experience. It’s magical. I just wish people had some grasp of consideration for others in this age of self-entitlement.
Have any bad movie going experiences of your own? Let us know in the comments!
5. “Spider-Man 2” gets heckled… a lot
Is it so hard for people to sit and watch a movie that’s two hours long? Is it so hard to sit and wait until the movie is over to go and use the bathroom? It was bad enough I let my dad talk me into seeing the Spider-Man sequel during the evening, but while watching I was subjected to endless wanderers up and down the aisles, and a group of young men who’d taken it upon themselves to be comedians and heckle the movie mercilessly. Every single line was met with flat barbs, and stupid one-liners, and the audience was more than willing to oblige and laugh along with them. Mob mentality is a horrifying notion.
4. Q&A at “X2”
One Sunday morning before “X2” I’d decided to sit in the middle of a big empty row which was immediately occupied by large family who gather and sit around me, rather than together. Little did I know what I was in for. The entire time the kids spent the movie “oohing” and “aahing” very loudly at the sights of the superheroes, and the father would pass around a noisy bag of candy for all to enjoy. To make the experience even worse, the mom (sitting next to me), obviously not versed in comics, spent the entire time asking about the origins of the characters: “Why do claws come out of his hand? Why is he called “Magneto”?
Why is that girl turning into different people? Why is he called Nightcrawler? Why’s his skin blue? What does the X stand for in Professor X?” After about an hour of her endless questions, and her children explaining, I was so desperate to focus on the movie, I was about ready to pay these people off to shut up out of desperation. But then I was taken by surprise, when in the midst of the bagged candy passing; they kindly offered me some as if I was their guest. Boy, not only was it a pure horror story, but in the end they made me feel guilty. Is that justice?
3. Commentary before the DVD–lucky me!
So, I was going to see Star Wars Episode 3, a movie I’ve been anxiously awaiting for a year. I decided to catch the matinee on a Thursday afternoon where I was sure there’d be no crowds and/or kids. Up front however, a man and what looked like his little brother were also very excited. Well, I’m anxiously awaiting the start of the movie and this man is going on and on and on about “Star Wars” aloud. Right away I knew his enthusiasm would be the bane of my movie-going experience.
This man sadly, wasn’t shy about his enthusiasm. Once the “Star Wars” title began he hooted. As the movie started he was talking low – pointing out the amazing effects to his brother and waving his arms, pointing up in a very distracting manner like it was a sight-seeing tour; which was then followed by almost endless reactions and one-liners to dialogue on-screen unaware that other people were there to see this, too. And people wonder why I never go to movie theaters.
2. “Grindhouse” in the rain
It’d been raining heavily one Sunday morning and stopped a while, and as soon as I’d finished “Grindhouse” with my mom and sister, the rain picked up. We walked along the large parking lot into the freeway to catch a cab and no one stopped for us. They even laughed at us. We were soaked from head to toe and small pools of water formed in my underwear. We then walked up four blocks to a street and found none, and then walked right back to emerge into a crowded theater again soaked and forming puddles where ever I stood. After begging security to call a cab, we raced down to a taxi that stopped in the front of the theater. We later discovered we looked so angry no one dared to take it away from us.
1. Movies + Teenagers = Chaos
My worst experience of all time involves a Halloween screening of “The Grudge.” As if having to sit through that crappy remake wasn’t torture enough, we had to deal with rowdy teenagers. My brother (a constant theater-going partner for me) and I went that day to see two movies – a rarity for me. The movie quickly started on a bad note, and to make it worse, on came the teenagers. Four teenagers walked in to the theater as the movie started and sat down joking and laughing, and just going about it like it was the lunch room at their school. I usually don’t pass judgment that the crowd will be rowdy until the movie starts, which prompts the audience to shut up, but, no, not these kids.
Ten minutes into the movie and people are laughing at the sights on-screen. Who knew an apartment building could make people laugh so hard? But that wasn’t the height of their rowdiness. As the inevitable jump scares came, they’d scream every time. Not screaming as if they were involved, but screaming as if to indicate: “Let’s make asses out of ourselves to make people laugh,” but the problem is we weren’t laughing. Then one of their friend’s crashes through the door and starts talking loudly, and then he and the girls begin arguing playfully. An hour into the movie they’d finally quieted down, but the damage was done. It’s a great argument for sterilization.