Rock ‘n’ Roll High School Forever (1991)

If you want to experience a movie where you’ll begin to think you accidentally slipped some acid, “Rock ‘n’ Roll High School Forever” is that movie. A very loose sequel to the 1979 original movie, rather than the follow up being a tribute to an iconic punk band, it’s another dated teen comedy about high schoolers committing pranks because they can. There just isn’t much about this movie that makes a lot of sense. And the fact that nothing here makes the slightest bit of sense is a distraction from the notion that the movie has no narrative behind it. Nothing happens here, but the movie does attempt to continue perpetuating the idea that Corey Feldman is still some kind of rebel who works to his own tune.

Feldman stars as Jessie Davis, a teen who literally looks like he raided Michael Jackson’s garage sale, and is the head singer for a band named the Eradicators. You assume a band with that name is some kind of punk band like the Ramones, but no. They simply do a lot of really awful covers of classic rock songs like “I’m Walkin’” and “Tutti Frutti.” The sad fact is the Eradicators are basically a cover band and campaign hard to become a popular band for their school and their town. Meanwhile they, once again, do nothing but commit pranks on the uptight teachers in their school. Mary Woronov graces us with her presence reprising the role of the assistant principal and literally does nothing but sit behind a desk and threaten people. She also has a metal hand with three sharp claws because—that’s funny…? Yes…?

Meanwhile Feldman can’t sing to save his life, and his friends don’t do much except run around looking to cause trouble. As with most of these films anyone that aren’t the main characters are uptight, snooty, and just don’t get punk rock, man. All the while Jessie meets his new teacher, Rita, and begins trying to seduce her in to going out with him. There’s also a scene where the Eradicators have to take a urine test and pretend to drink one another’s urine. And as per eighties clichés, there’s a weird lunch line scene where we establish anyone with unusual eating habits is an instant freak. Did I mention the refrigerator scene? I don’t know who in their right mind thought it would be funny, but a scene where Jessie and his group of friends pretend to be an appliance worshipping cult just to freak out two elderly people is absolutely baffling in its randomness.

I can’t even mock it, it’s just there, it happens, and we move on to the next scene. “Rock ‘n’ Roll High School Forever” is only a vague follow up to the original 1979 movie. You won’t miss anything if you skip this, since you know, it’s so god fucking awful. When even Clint Howard doesn’t reprise a role in a movie, you can rest easy knowing you’re not missing out on a masterpiece.