We’ve recently offered several articles celebrating some of the most wonderful musical numbers that might be unfamiliar to most movie lovers. Today, we go to the opposite end of the spectrum with 10 musical numbers that could easily turn movie lovers into movie haters. We apologize in advance for any offense created.
“Got a Feelin’ for You” from “The Hollywood Revue” (1929)
Joan Crawford never claimed to be a song-and-dance star, and this clip from an early MGM talkie affirms why she never made that claim.
“It Had to Be You” from “South Sea Sinner” (1950)
However, at least Joan Crawford tried her best to sell a song – poor Shelley Winters isn’t even trying to sell anything in this dreary number from a deservedly forgotten potboiler. Yes, Shelley’s singing is dubbed by someone who sounds nothing like her speaking voice – and, double yes, that is a young Liberace as her flirtatious piano accompanist.
“It’s Impossible” from “Valley of the Dolls” (1967)
Indeed, it’s impossible to imagine Patty Duke as the toast of Broadway musicals, especially when get to hear her real singing voice in this video instead of the anonymous professional vocalist who dubbed her. And what’s with all her shrugging and fidgeting – is that supposed to be rhythm?
“Loving You” from “Mame” (1974)
How can you not love this utterly bizarre musical seduction with Robert Preston wooing Lucille Ball with one of the most syrupy ballads ever poured on an unsuspecting audience? And what’s with that dance around the fountain? Well, at least Lucy didn’t sing in this number.
“Happy Birthday 21” from “Sextette” (1978)
In a film carrying a surplus number of jaw-droppingly bizarre musical segments, the one that takes the cake (and the whole bakery, for that matter) is this offering with octogenarian Mae West serenading a young man on his 21st birthday, with the unsubtle suggestion that she’ll be his birthday gift. A battalion of grinning musclemen help decorate this craziness.
“Maxwell’s Silver Hammer” from “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” (1978)
Steve Martin may have been a wild and crazy guy, but in this catastrophically awful Beatles cover he is just a dull fella.
“Do the BIM” from “The Apple” (1980)
Among aficionados of so-bad-they’re-good films, this loopy musical is in a class by itself thanks to marvelously misguided numbers like this.
“Hearts Not Diamonds” from “The Fan” (1981)
Lauren Bacall croaks her way through this unintentionally funny number in this oddball flick about a psychotic young man stalking an aging Broadway musical star.
“SOS” from “Mamma Mia!” (2008)
Pierce Brosnan sings – or does something that could be mistaken for singing – while Meryl Streep looks utterly embarrassed to be sharing the scene with him.
“Man to Woman” from “Emilia Pérez” (2024)
The YouTube denizen @Kiibon probably said it best: “Heartwarming how both trans and transphobic people came to agree that this movie sucks ass.”