Most of the films that are picked for BAD MOVIE MONDAY tend to be exactly what I expect them to be. They’re either stupidly bad or shockingly bad or awesomely bad or boringly bad or… Well, you get the idea. I don’t mind to be honest. That’s what I’m expecting. It’s all part of the morbid fun that I get from discovering cinematic doo-doo. However, sometimes I actually discover something good by complete accident.
Quick Recap: When COVID shut down everything two years ago, I started an online bad movie night get-together with some friends that we eventually dubbed “Bad Movie Monday”. The premise was simple: We’d torture each other every Monday with the worst trash we could find, tell a few jokes, cheer each other up, and in the process maybe discover some weird obscure cinema that we might never have seen any other way. This series of reviews will feature highlights of those night, so you guys can share in the fun and maybe get some ideas for your own movie night.
Alright! Now that that’s done, let’s explain what I’m reviewing today. I’ve already reviewed the worst movie we saw on BMM, then I reviewed my favorite movie, so this time I thought I’d review what I thought was one of the best movies that we saw. Michael Mann’s THE KEEP.
Usually, I try not to pick movies I’ve already seen, but in this case I made an exception because I’d only seen it once thirty-eight years ago. So I barely remembered a single thing about it. I certainly had the right pedigree. F. Paul Wilson, the guy who wrote the book that the film is based on, and Michael Mann, who directed the film, have both said that the movie is complete trash. In fact, Mann not only refuses to talk about The Keep but he has actively tried to prevent the re-release of the movie in any way shape or form. As of now it’s only available as a standard definition download from Amazon or on a hard to find DVD.
So what’s the movie about? Well, let’s look at what’s written on the back of the VHS tape shall we?
“This superb gothic thriller will grip you with its combination horror, romance and the supernatural.
It’s World War II in German occupied Romania. Nazi soldiers have been sent to garrison a mysterious fortress, but a nightmarish discovery is soon made. The Keep was not built to keep anything out. The massive structure was, in fact built to keep something in.
Scott Glenn portrays the stranger who alone must battle the supernatural force whose evil power is dwelling within. Ian McKellen is the medieval historian, Cuza, dragged to The Keep to unravel the mystery behind the gruesome killings. Alberta Watson stars as Cuza’s devoted daughter Eva, who falls in love with the handsome heroic stranger.”
It’s a better back-of-the-box synopsis than most, but let me clarify it a bit. During WW2, Nazis have taken a town in the Carpathian Mountains in Romania and are using the titular “Keep” as a base of operations. Two of their guards, while trying to steal a silver cross embedded in the wall, accidentally release an ancient demon called Molasar from its prison. This demon then begins murdering soldiers at night, growing stronger with each man killed. The officers at first blame the townspeople, but when evidence points to something more supernatural they bring an elderly Jewish historian called Cuza to come solve the mystery of who or what this murderer really is. However, after showing a certain benevolence by saving Cuza’s daughter Eva from being raped by two soldiers, Molasar strikes a bargain with the old man. If Cuza will remove a special talisman from the depths of The Keep that is preventing him from escaping, then Molasar will kill all the Nazis and end the war. Meanwhile, a man named Glaeken seems to be aware of Molasar being freed and travels to Romania to stop the demon.
So is it bad? Yes and no. Once you get to the one hour mark you’ll see why it was so trashed, but until then you’re probably going to be really be enjoying yourself. The film is fairly fast paced. The story is somewhat compelling. It’s got Ian McKellen, Scott Glenn, Jurgen Prochnow, and Gabrian Byrne in the main cast, so it’s definitely well-acted. Then, you’ve got this gorgeous cinematography coupled with an amazing soundtrack by Tangerine Dream.
So what happened? Why did the critics savage this?
The film’s biggest flaw is that it looks like it’s got missing scenes. So sometimes you don’t see things that should be there to make the plot more coherent. For example, Molasar is supposedly killing soldiers but other than the first two that accidentally set him free and the ones that try to rape Eva you never see him doing that. So it leaves you wondering why the Nazi commanders are freaking out. Other times whole subplots seem to have disappeared. Like, I think that Molasar’s presence is supposed to be corrupting the townspeople, but that’s barely shown at all. In fact, the townspeople are just not there past a certain point, and judging by the fact that they cast some fairly well-known names in the roles, like Robert Prosky and William Morgan Sheppard, I’m thinking there was a lot more stuff shot. Another big issue is that Glaeken, the guy who is technically our hero, played by Scott Glenn, literally has no backstory. The character barely says anything and is such a cypher that you can’t quite get invested in him. Don’t get me wrong, I like a little mystery, but this is ridiculous. It’s like the only direction Glenn got from Mann was “Just stand there.”
Eh… I don’t blame Mann for much of the film’s flaws. There were multiple problems behind the scenes that were not his fault which made the movie go grossly behind schedule, not the least of which being that the visual effects guy, the legendary Wally Weaver, died during post production leaving only the barest outline of how he intended to do the effects. So Mann had to finish the special effects himself. I can easily imagine how this movie must have been the most stressful and miserable experience in the world. In fact, you can actually see the moment in the film where everyone completely stops giving a shit and they just try to wrap this up as quickly as possible so that this nightmare production will be over and they can finally go home. Kind of sad, because I really think this movie could have been more than a curiosity in Michael Mann’s career had it they just poured a tiny bit more money and time into it. Oh well.
And now, onto my favorite part of Bad Movie Monday. This is where I make a list of ten things that I promise will probably happen during the film.
PROMISES:
#1 The first hour ain’t bad at all. After that though you’re on your own.
#2 Scott Glenn has no idea who his character is or what he’s supposed to be doing.
#3 You may like the movie or hate it, but you’ll agree that the music is God damn epic.
#4 You’re going to ask “Why do we need to see Scott Glenn literally just traveling?” The answer is that I have no idea.
#5 Ian McKellen is a friggin’ treasure.
#6 Apparently, ancient demons do steroids and work out.
#7 The VHS promised romance. Where is the romance? I counted one bonk. That is not romance, that’s a couple of beers too many in the back of a Shawinigan strip club.
#8 You’ll notice that after the hour mark every important scene happens off screen. Budget cuts and having no special effects will do that.
#9 During the third act, you’re going to think “Wait a minute, isn’t that a flashlight?” about an object that isn’t supposed to be a flashlight.
#10 The ending is so confusing that I don’t think even Michael Mann knows what happened. I mean, it looks impressively epic, but I have no idea what’s going on.
So that’s the review. I hope it makes you want to seek out and watch this film. It’s got flaws, but it’s no worse than most Italian horror films from the same era. Which, to be honest, puts it in good company.