Assholes are just a part of life. They’re there when we wake up and they’re there when we go to sleep, the only consolation we can take in this revelation is that they’ll likely never learn their lessons and will continue being assholes until the day they die. That’s the moral behind “Bad Teacher,” a veritable “Bad Santa” clone that takes a misanthropic bombshell and plants her in the middle of All American suburbia where she’s forced to interact with kids and positive role models on a daily basis when she seeks only to gratify her own base needs and nothing more.
While “Bad Santa” was essentially a tale about redemption and coming full circle in life, “Bad Teacher” is more about the assholes handbook than anything else. In fact by the time the film comes to a close our character Elizabeth Halsey has learned nothing from life nor has she taken anything away from her students, all of whom are also scraping by on the bare minimum. “Bad Teacher” has a lesson to learned, that the best of the Grade A assholes almost never learn and never change the color of their skin, and in the process achieves the feat of being completely unfunny and utterly unpleasant. There isn’t a lot of comedy gold to mined here primarily because Cameron Diaz simply doesn’t know how to handle such a character like Elizabeth Halsey. The giggly often optimistic actress can barely handle the clunky one-liners that enter her zone of comfort thus relinquishing any and all comedic value to be had.
There’s also Justin Timberlake who plays a barely likable and obnoxious popular teacher who helps to inspire Halsey to teach better but doesn’t inspire the audience to laugh anymore than they should. The only real source of comedy, Jason Segal, is toned down in favor of more Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz. While I appreciated the realistic message that an asshole is an asshole is an asshole, I would have also loved to have something of a laugh from the incessant shots of Cameron Diaz firing off F bombs and contorting in compromising positions to indulge herself in a grand scheme that doesn’t come full circle until the final scene.
And even when it’s revealed, it’s something of a let down that never quite delivers what we paid to see in the first place. “Bad Teacher” is a putrid waste of time, and one that would have benefitted from better casting and even tighter writing. Alas, there isn’t much to be accomplished here save for Cameron Diaz mimicking Billy Bob Thorton as she interacts with well meaning kids with the grace and structure of a baboon. Even with her semi-hotness and somewhat gorgeous demeanor, all of “Bad Teacher” feels like we’ve been here and done this a thousand times over. Being mean to kids, thumbing your nose down at authority, etc. really doesn’t make for anything but a contrived mess that strives to shock and disgust and just comes off as ho hum routine malarkey. While I appreciated the overall message that an asshole will always be an asshole, “Bad Teacher” is just a plain bad movie, pure and simple. I’d sooner watch “Bridesmaids” again than see this one more time.