Zombies vs. Strippers (2012)

So what do we learn from Zombies vs. Strippers? Zombies who moan “brains!” aren’t specifically limited to eating brains, strippers crave anal sex even during a zombie raid, cameramen will stay focused on a TV host even if they’re being mauled by the walking dead, watching someone eating someone else’s fingers doesn’t set off alarms that something is wrong with them, pole dancing is actually a hidden form of martial arts, cops are nowhere to be found in the city, zombies will pounce on extras but slowly creep up on principle cast members of a movie, strip clubs only play songs without lyrics, strip clubs only employ four strippers at a time, and when you’re bitten in the butt you won’t notice until much later on. All things considered “Zombies vs. Strippers” is a pretty crummy movie.

It’s hard to believe in the nineties Full Moon used to film their movies on location in Romania and around castles, and now their films look as if they were made for a thousand dollars by film school graduates. No knock on Alex Nicolaou, but “Zombies vs. Strippers” doesn’t offer a director a lot of room to flex their creativity. And considering this premise has been seen at least five times in the last ten years by other indie directors with much more creativity to offer, Full Moon really doesn’t re-invent the wheel here. The Tough Titty is about to go under after losing a lot of money and gaining no customers. After they bring together their staff for the night to declare bankruptcy and lay offs, little do they know that around them the city is being sieged by the walking dead. Before long, the staff including the strippers are battling the walking dead alongside a biker gang and shit basically hits the fan. The shit being the movie, of course. “Zombies vs. Strippers” isn’t meant to be taken seriously, nor does it try to deliver an even remotely scary zombie tale, but you can tell it’s not even trying in many instances.

The zombie make up is so unimpressive, the zombies lack menace or form, the story goes nowhere, and the promise of zombies fighting strippers doesn’t actually ensue until the final ten minutes. As for the performances they range from actors chewing the scenery to actors delivering their lines in the most stilted forms imaginable. The only redeeming factor of the film is Brittany Gael Vaughn who steals the entire movie as the bad ass afro sporting stripper Vanilla. Her introduction is quite hilarious as we first meet her kicking the ass of two zombies trying to bite in to her outside the strip club. During the remainder of the film Vanilla pretty much has it over everyone in the survival department and steals scenes from everyone around her. I wouldn’t be opposed to a sequel following Vanilla surviving the zombie apocalypse. It’d be Foxxy Brown meets Dawn of the Dead. “Zombies vs. Strippers” really offers nothing groundbreaking in this particular sub-set of zombie trash, and as a viewing experience it’s very forgettable and absolutely tedious to endure. I’m still waiting for Full Moon to begin trying to deliver quality like they did in the nineties. I hope that day comes soon. While the bright spot of the film is Brittany Gael Vaughn who is an absolute fox in every form of the word, “Zombies vs. Strippers” offers nothing new or original and excels at being dull and listless. Anyone seeking prime zombie entertainment need look elsewhere.