Bonejangles (2017)

One thing I will say about “Bonejangles” is that it has a lot of enthusiasm. It has so much enthusiasm, in fact, that every bit of coherence is thrown out of the window in favor of a horror mish mash that makes no sense, is unfunny, not scary, and feels like it was put together by someone who had a lot of ideas, all of which were not enough for one feature length movie. It’s a shame too since Bonejangles is a cool slasher villain with a lot of potential, he’s just bogged down in to a movie that is without a doubt a humongous waste of time. I’m not against nonsense, but “Bonejangles” is directionless, random nonsense that felt sloppily composed from minute one.

When I saw the characters of the film driving in to “Argento City,” I literally gave a heavy sigh and lowered my head in dread, aware that I’d stumbled in to what feels like one big amateur attempt. “Bonejangles” can never decide if it’s a horror spoof, a horror tribute, or a straight up slasher movie, so it just mixes a lot of elements that never bind in to an actual film. With the “supernatural killer” on the loose known as Bonejangles, he’s wreaking havoc and murdering people. Bonejangles can not be killed by conventional methods, but does have a weakness for electricity. When a group of inept police officers go hunting for the killer, they bring him down with electricity and prepare to transport him by truck to an asylum.

Little do they know that they’ve stalled in (ugh) “Argento City,” a small town that’s been cursed by a witch/succubus who dooms the town to one night a year where the dead rise to eat the living. The happen to have arrived on that awful night, and now have to rely on Bonejangles to help them survive until morning. It sounds like a weird but good concept, however Bonejangles never quite helps our heroes so much as wanders around killing people. And when we’re told that the town goes on lock down taking down random zombies, we’re introduced to a group of camp counselors that Bonejangles delights in slaughtering. The exposition is tacked on, the reasoning for arriving at Argento City is just absurd, and why is anyone living in Argento City with that curse?

Why aren’t they instating a curfew? I’m over thinking “Bonejangles,” because it pretty much abandons a competent narrative in favor of a goofy romance plot, as well as a clunky side plot of one of the officers being held hostage by the sexy witch who is sucking him of his life force. Did I mention the flamboyant gay cop who is lured in to sex by two red necks in suspenders? “Bonejangles” is best avoided, no matter how hardcore of a slasher fan you are. I would like to see the character in a competent movie someday, though.