Last Friday’s feature article “Are These the 10 Worst Musical Numbers of All Time?” generated a great deal of reader response on social media, with multiple people offering suggestions for wonderfully awful musical sequences that deserved to be recognized. Well, in the tradition of movie sequels, here is our follow-up edition with 10 more of the worst musical numbers ever put on film.
“Two-Faced Woman” from “Torch Song” (1953)
It is hard to determine which is more insane – Joan Crawford dancing in blackface or being saddled with a dubbed singing voice (via India Adams) that is blatantly not hers. This is a true audio-visual nightmare.
“I Want to Be Loved by You” from “Gentlemen Marry Brunettes” (1955)
This send-up of Ziegfeld-era musical extravaganzas is staged in such a dull and clumsy manner that even the combined talents of Rudy Vallee, Jane Russell and Jeanne Crain couldn’t rescue it from self-induced ruin.
“Yoga is as Yoga Does” from “Easy Come, Easy Go” (1967)
Even by the standards of Elvis Presley’s mid-1960s films, this number is thoroughly embarrassing – and the jolly presence of Elsa Lanchester isn’t enough to salvage it from unabashed puerility.
“Question Me An Answer” from “Lost Horizon” (1973)
Bobby Van was a dynamic song-and-dance man who rarely had a chance to shine on the big screen. Sadly, his considerable talents are wasted in performing this bizarre Burt Bacharach-Hal David ditty.
“Ease on Down the Road” from “The Wiz” (1978)
The problem with this number has nothing to do with the performance skills of Diana Ross and Michael Jackson, nor is the song itself a problem. Instead, director Sidney Lumet is being called to task for the bizarre manner in which it was staged – with the camera positioned at a ridiculous length away from the stars who mostly perform the song with their backs to the viewer. This is a classic example of how not to film a musical number.
“I Love You to Death” from “Can’t Stop the Music” (1980)
The Village People’s only feature film includes this over-the-top number highlighting “construction worker” David Hodo in an aggressively heterosexual fantasy sequence – hey, what did you expect from a 1980 movie?
“Tutti Frutti” from “Rhinestone” (1984)
Sylvester Stallone sings. Enough said.
“Texas Has a Whorehouse in It” from “The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas” (1982)
As with “Ease on the Road,” the problem here is not the song, but rather how it is presented – in this case, with an utterly miscast Dom DeLuise who is unable to get a handle on his role of a tabloid television reporter trying to whip up a scandalous news story regarding the business in the film’s title.
“My Baby Just Cares For Me” from “Everyone Says I Love You” (1996)
One of the Woody Allen’s weirdest misfires was his sole attempt at making a campy musical. Poor Edward Norton gives it his best, even throwing in a brief Groucho Marx-inspired dance amid the tap-dancing salesmen, but he’s completely out of his element in this tiresome riff on 1930s-style musicals.
“The Old Gumbie Cat” from “Cats” (2019)
One of the great cinematic cat-astrophes (sorry) of all time, this CGI nightmare has so many horrendous moments that choosing one is difficult. But here we go with this selection featuring Rebel Wilson embarrassing herself with gusto.