Just so you know, Stephen King and George Romero had as much to do with this as Romero did with “Day of the Dead: Contagium.” Just so you know, “Creepshow III” is about as much of a sequel to the series, as “Debbie Does Dallas” is a documentary on sports. Taurus Entertainment had the pure balls to attempt to tie this in with the original “Creepshow” series, and failed, big time. And guess what? A “Creepshow 4” is on the way. Yes, sir. Taurus, the maker of pure dog vomit, has now continued the crappy sequels department, and their reign of terror isn’t ending any time soon. “Creepshow III” is one of their plans of attack on the genre, and “Creepshow III” is a pure travesty on the senses. It’s so bad it inflicts actual physical pain on its viewer. It’s so bad it makes Uwe Boll look like a brilliant director. It’s bad, would be the general bullet point of this review.
“Creepshow III” is in actuality just a rip-off of the series. It’s a movie that’s so intent on copying the animated segues of the original film without ever successfully capturing the black humor or comic sequences of the first two. But rather than be called a rip-off, Taurus garnered the rights and basically tagged it as a sequel to the first two. How convenient. Instead of a character like the Creeper, or moving comic book panels, we’re instead given a demonic hot dog vendor, and animated segues that look more like really cheap Flash animation on the internet. The first story “Alice” watches more like a distorted version of “Click” except it’s not as entertaining nor is it ever suspenseful. It’s much more mind-numbing than anything, as our character Alice explores her life through different families giving her a glimpse into other nationalities, for some reason. It’s fairly nonsensical, in the end, as I could never understand what the primary hook of the entire story was.
The second, “The Radio” involves yet another possessed home appliance, as a demonic radio takes control of a man’s life guiding him to potential financial success, and really never knows what to do with itself. The ultimate pay off is much like the entire film: nonsensical, confusing, and rather helplessly incoherent. And of course, a serial killer gets her comeuppance in “Call Girl,” in which a cute call girl who murders her clients comes across a meek client who happens to be a vampire. It’s tough to actually criticize these different stories, as they lack any pacing, cogent narrative, or actual characterization to begin with. They’re all really nothing but mere concepts, and never actual arcs. That’s one of the main reasons why every story is worse than the one before it. There’s no set-up, no mounting tension, no resolution, and no focus on building characters, at all. People simply enter and leave for no clear reason and before we can realize it, the story we watch is suddenly over. “The Professor’s Wife” comes off as a lost episode of “I Love Lucy” as two moronic students re-visit their favorite professor the eve of his wedding, and seem to think that she may be a robot.
So, brain trusts as they are, decide to try different tests to prove their theory, correct. Hilarity ensues. Yet again, it’s just more of a small comedy skit than it is a horror tale, lacking any story, or any real payoff in the end, contributing to the royal waste of time that Taurus cooked up for us. It’s hard to believe no one put the breaks on this film during production and asked the directors to take a step back and really see what they were doing. In all the hype processed by Taurus, they never seem to get, nor care that “Creepshow III” really shouldn’t even be tagged with the title of a great series that came before it. Too much emphases is placed on overlapping arcs and characters, which really just ends up being an apparent excuse to reuse actors, and set pieces. Characters from previous stories enter into the next skit, and so on, and there’s really no point to it. “Creepshow III” wants to look like it’s going somewhere, but it really never does, because the writing is absolutely awful.
“Alice” is one story in particular that never made any sense. What was the point of seeing her family as different ethnicities? Why did Professor Dayton have it out for her? Why did the family just suddenly stop caring about seeing their daughter as a deformed freak? Why did using the remote turn her into a deformed freak? And if that doesn’t take the cake, the entire fiasco ends on a rather confusing note, as we see a demonic (?) hotdog vendor who seems to watch all the madness happen around him. Is this the best they could do? A demonic hotdog vendor? And is he demonic, or a zombie? And does he simply watch this horror all around him, or does he cause it? And if he causes it, does it happen through his hotdogs? Who knows, and most of all, who gives a shit? This movie blows. Just like “Day of the Dead: Contagium” this is a sequel in name only, a shameless piece of crap rip-off attempting to cash in on a great series by offering up a steaming turd trying to pass it off as just another sequel. Don’t be fooled, it’s a scareless horror movie that’s not even bad enough to good.