Sorority Party Massacre (2014) (DVD)

You have to give it to “Sorority Party Massacre.” Not many slashers these days have the balls to rip off the entire prologue to “Scream” wholesale. There’s even a long drawn out scene where the young victim is taunted by the caller. Except rather than the audience groaning “Aw, they killed Firestarter,” this time they’ll be saying, “Oh someone killed the girl with the dog. Some dude with a mask. Okay, then.” If that’s not bad enough, “Sorority…” is one of the most tonally inconsistent horror movies I’ve ever seen. It’s never sure if it wants to be a horror comedy, or a horror movie. And even the most distracted viewer will notice immediately.

The first ten minutes involve a young girl being chased down by a killer and burned to death by sulfuric acid, and then we’re given an entire scene where Kevin Sorbo interrogates an officer with anger issues. Cue a montage of “hilarious” scenes where the officer sadistically unleashes anger on a bunch of little kids. In order to redeem himself, his sergeant (Sorbo) assigns him to go spy on his daughter for the weekend, as she ventures out to a party with her sorority. And he can’t bring a weapon with him. How convenient. I’ve never seen a horror movie devote so much effort to wasting the audiences time and padding out the script. Aside from the pointless prologue, there are endless scenes of our characters dancing, bouncing around, and jiggling.

Who needs characterization and complex exposition when you can just not try, right? A bunch of Sorority sisters (well in to their early thirties) are away for a big party in a small town, and wouldn’t you know it? Someone is killing them off one by one. The box on the DVD promotes the film as garnering a slew of cameos from genre veterans as well as the introduction of a group of new scream queens, which makes me wonder if this is the product of some reality show. Maybe these new “scream queens” are or were contestants of some kind and this was their prize. A shelf filler DVD that can double as a coaster. In either case, much of “Sorority Party Massacre” is shabbily written, incredibly uneven in terms of atmosphere and dread, and never quite knows how to properly plagiarize the movies it’s plagiarizing.

It even takes a stab at “Reno 911” territory with the small island of “Grizzly Cove” (Was “Killer’s Plateau” taken?) run by a bunch of seemingly sheltered police officers that try their best to garner laughs playing country bumpkins. The sheriff’s last name is actually Lumpkin. Oh the hilarity. All things considered, even with the small budget, directors Chris W. Freeman and Justin Jones could have pulled off an impressive feat. “Sorority Party Massacre” is merely just a turgid pseudo-slasher film that thinks it’s more clever than it actually is. Maybe it wouldn’t have been such an awful movie if the directors ever decided if they wanted to me a comedy or a whodunit slasher film, instead of the final product: A sloppy waste of time.

The DVD for “Sorority Party Massacre” garners more extras than it deserves, offering a faux campaign ad for character Barney Lumpkin, The behind the scenes of the fight scene with character Paige, an outtakes reel, a small group of deleted scenes, and a ten minute Behind the Scenes segment.

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