Repossessed (1990)

repossessed1990I guess if you’re going to try to spoof a hit horror movie, you might as well bring with you the star of said film. For better and for worse, Linda Blair is now and will always be associated with her star making turn as Regan in “The Exorcist.” Sadly, she’s more known for the movie, than being a strong actress who gave a strong and compelling performance. Blair uses the chance starring in “Repossessed” to burn the whole motherfucking kit and caboodle to the ground hamming it up big time in a role that’s basically Regan 2.0 if Regan became a doting housewife revisited by Pazuzu. This time, though, she’s named Nancy. Get it? Nancy Regan?

Director Logan must have loved “Airplane!” because he tacks on a bunch of gratuitous nudity, and tries very hard to garner laughs out of goofy word play, all with Nielsen involved. His character’s last name is Mayii (pronounced: May I). So, if you found “Surely, you can’t be serious,” funny, prepare for almost every character to declare: “Father Mayii?” To which he replies “Yes, you may.” Get it? “Repossessed” has a golden opportunity to build some genuine comedy out of the original film, but every single joke falls absolutely flat. Even Linda Blair doesn’t have much to do, which is a shame because she has the chance to show her comedy chops here once and for all.

The best she’s given is a clunky joke about split pea soup, and transforming in to a giant ice cream cone as she screeches “Lick me! Lick me!” If that’s not enough, since most movies are obligated to be at least ninety minutes, “Repossessed” completely stops its narrative to a screeching halt to feature a long laughless montage of Father Mayii working out in a gym to prepare to exorcise Nancy. On the plus side Blair is charming and still a sight for sore eyes, even when she’s committing to a terrible head spinning gag, and the movie itself is very nineties, with gags about Geraldo, Tammy Fay Baker, Oliver North, and there are appearances from popular nineties sports personalities Gene Okerlund and Jesse Ventura.

Aside from being virtually unfunny trash, “Repossessed” comes way too late in to the game. Especially since by 1990, about eighty films tried to copy “The Exorcist” formula and were inadvertently more comical than Bob Logan’s film ever manages to be. “The Heretic” included.

All things considered, I’ll always have a place in my rotten heart for Linda Blair.