Today’s ridiculous regal refuse is very special to me. I first heard of this film almost twenty years ago after I mentioned to a friend that I was having a lot of fun watching weird oddball stuff like Zardoz, Exorcist II, or The Manitou. He then proceeded to give me one of those “YOU GOTTA WATCH THIS!!!” speeches, suggesting the title that I’ll be reviewing today. It is a true powerhouse of trash that went on to redefine what bad movies were for the internet age of fanboys and film bros. And so I present to you THE ROOM.
Quick Recap! When COVID shut down everything in early 2020, I started an online bad movie night get-together with some friends that we eventually dubbed “Bad Movie Monday”. The premise was simple: We’d torture each other every Monday with the worst trash we could find, tell a few jokes, cheer each other up, and in the process maybe discover some weird obscure cinema that we might never have seen any other way. This series of reviews will feature movies that were highlights of those nights, along with some other trash I happen to like, so you can all share in the fun and maybe get some ideas for what to show during your own movie night.
I have to admit that my first viewing of the film came after watching The Disaster Artist in 2017. So, as much of a bad movie buff as I am today, I wasn’t an early fan. To give you an idea of how long I’d been sitting on this, I added the film to my Amazon basket in like 2005 and didn’t actually buy the damn thing until almost fifteen years later. I can be a bit forgetful it seems. In my defense I’ve watched it at least five times since then. So there’s that.
WHAT’S THE STORY JEREMY?
The story is about Johnny, played by the film’s writer and director Tommy Wiseau, who is the greatest guy who ever lived in this world or any other world. If there was a multiverse, there wouldn’t be an evil version of him in the bunch. He is so good, so kind, so noble and so utterly PERFECT that he shits random acts of kindness. For example, he’s a father figure and mentor to an eighteen year old boy called Denny (Philip Haldiman), who has no parents, with Johnny personally paying for the boy’s apartment and school until he finishes College. Wotta guy! However, his girlfriend Lisa (Juliette Danielle) isn’t happy and doesn’t love Johnny anymore, even though he supports and provides for her because she can’t support herself, even though they’ve been engaged for five years and his position at work is very secure, and so she sleeps with his so-called “best friend” Mark (Greg Sestero).
After not getting a promotion at the bank, even though the son of a bitch he works for told him he’d get the position after three months, Johnny buys Lisa flowers to break the news to her. Ever scheming, Lisa gets him drunk, even though Johnny doesn’t drink, and then tells everyone he got violent and hit her.
Of course, everyone adores Johnny and are astounded by her accusation. After all, Johnny is beloved by all animals and salespeople that he meets. If anyone in this movie had a halo, it would be Johnny. Oh, and Lisa’s mother has breast cancer, but she’s gonna be fine. There’s also another thing about Denny owing money to a drug dealer, but that’s also fine because we never hear about it again. Denny is also in love with Lisa, and sometimes he wants to kiss her, but Johnny tells him that’s okay because love is a beautiful thing and the world would be a better place if everyone loved each other. Wotta guy!
As pure of heart and innocent and good as he is though, Johnny begins to suspect something is wrong because Lisa never talks to him anymore. She’s tearing him apart. Then, later, he overhears Lisa telling her mother that she’s having an affair. Johnny then places recording devices in the apartment and talks to a psychiatrist. The shrink is a huge help, and by “huge help” I mean no help at all, and tells Johnny that sometimes life is complicated and you just got to deal with it. I think I saw that advice on a bumper sticker once.
At this point we’re around the one hour mark, and I feel that there isn’t much point in going on with my terrible synopsis. Only one major thing of note happens in the next 39 minutes and that’s Johnny’s birthday. This is also where the movie starts to fall apart. Until then it had been a relatively coherent and tightly edited melodrama. Yeah, it was a bit crazy, but one scene led to another and we had the hint of a plot structure. However, by now the movie is starting to meander aimlessly and we, the audience, are thinking “OKAY! WE GET IT! Johnny is perfect. Lisa’s a bitch. Mark is thinking with his dick. What next?” The film then treats us to several filler moments of characters repeating stuff we already heard them say before, guys tossing a football around, guys running, and yet another sex scene. I mean, there’s still some golden moments, but the annoyance factor starts to overtake the enjoyment factor if you get what I mean. Luckily, the ending is worthy of a low budget Greek tragedy. It is perfect.
Did I enjoy this film? Of course I did. How could I not? It was made passion and madness and love and honesty. A lot of people watch THE ROOM and just laugh at it. I don’t. I think this movie is borderline art, and I think it was made by someone who had something profound to say. Does the movie achieve its many lofty ambitions? HELL NO. What, are you nuts??? However, it is admirable in its attempts. You can laugh all you want at Tommy Wiseau, but he went out there and he made a movie and he poured his heart out into it. That he had no skills whatsoever doesn’t really matter. You don’t fail when you suck at something, you fail when you don’t try. Always remember that lesson kids, it’s important.
On the downside, I do find it crazy that Wiseau reportedly spent six million dollars making this. The first Saw movie cost around ONE million. I’m one of those people who doesn’t like wasting money, and the reason it irks me that Wiseau threw so much of his budget away is that he could have made four or five more movies had he spent it more wisely.
Lastly, it’s occurred to me that THE ROOM is a Film Noir without the Noir. The whole film feels like it should be about Lisa trying to seduce Mark so they can kill Johnny (or drive him insane) in order to get his life insurance. Lisa very much acts like a Femme Fatale, and Mark very much acts like the hapless patsy who she could pin the blame on if it all went south. Yet the film is just a regular drama, which I think was a mistake because a bit of a genre twist would have helped this find a far wider audience much more quickly.
TEN THOUGHTS ABOUT THE MOVIE:
#1 I only discovered TODAY that Wiseau’s 2003 website still seems to work and that he still has ROOM merchandise. Apparently you can buy the screenplay and get a free pair of underwear to go with it. That sounds pretty much on brand.
#2 This movie has THREE sex scenes in the first thirty minutes. Lisa (Juliette Danielle) is the real MVP of this movie.
#3 I don’t care what anyone thinks of me, but Tommy Wiseau is legitimately a stylish guy. Most of us wish we looked half as good in a suit and sunglasses.
#4 In all the nine million times I’d seen the “Oh, Hi Mark!” scene on YouTube I never once noticed that it was shot on a set with a greencreen background. That is the power of Tommy Wiseau’s acting.
#5 I have to admit, I sort of understand how Lisa feels. I mean, people come up to her and go “How’s Johnny?” before asking her how SHE is. They call him her husband even though they’re not married. Lisa’s character is not very well written and she often cycles through hating Johnny and then speaking of him like he’s a cult leader that she worships, often within the same scene. However, the way she’s always treated like an afterthought or an accessory is enough to turn anyone into a bitch.
#6 None of the actors in the movie are skilled or experienced, but there’s some genuine and raw talent on display here. They’re never boring or invisible, and that alone makes them better than most actors in most movies.
#7 I can’t get over the name Denny. Not Denis, not Danny, but D-E-N-N-Y.
#8 Lisa’s mother turns into a straight up villain in the third act, telling Lisa that men and women abuse each other all the time and that there’s nothing wrong with that. She then tells her daughter that marriage isn’t about happiness or love but merely financial security. I think that this is Wiseau’s attempt at giving Lisa a bit of nuance. It doesn’t quite work, but the effort is appreciated.
#9 Apparently, the only two props they had for the actors to use in this movie was a football and a gun.
#10 The ending is glorious. Exit Johnny, stage left, in the most dramatic way possible. You’re a magnificent mad bastard Tommy Wiseau and I love you and your movie. WOTTA GUY!!!
