Today on BAD MOVIE MONDAY, Santa Jeremy is going to review one of the most dreaded of all Christmas films. SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 3: BETTER WATCH OUT! So put on the socks your grandma gave you and hold on tight! This may be a rough ride. Ho-Ho-Ho!!!
In the annals of cinema, the Silent Night, Deadly Night franchise has been rather unique in its own weird way. The first one was a somewhat straightforward and slightly above average slasher flick that took itself seriously, for the most part. It was a bit silly at times, true, but it wasn’t a comedy. Then you had the second one, which was so over-the-top that it was almost a slasher movie parody. When it wasn’t padding itself out with recycled footage from the first film, it actually had better jokes and funnier scenes than the totality of Smokey and The Bandit Part 3. Admittedly not a high bar, but still… Eric Freeman’s performance as the film’s Killer Santa Claus Ricky is absolute perfection. Trust me, I’ve seen a lot of crazy acting in my time, but this is next level transcendent stuff. I’m a huge admirer of Freeman’s work in the film because if anyone is responsible for Part 2’s massive cult success, it’s him.
Then we have the third film, this one, which is more low key in tone than Part 2. In fact, it’s too low key if you ask me. Which is odd, because the story is kind of nuts. After being shot by the cops at the end of Part 2, Ricky is in a deep coma and has undergone a Sci-Fi brain regeneration procedure for some reason (He didn’t get shot in the head so I don’t know why he needs a new brain) and is now telepathically connected to a blind girl called Laura FOR SOME REASON. He wakes up on Christmas of course, escapes from the hospital he was being kept at, and chases after Laura and her family as both a Police Detective and Ricky’s Doctor look for him before it’s too late. It’s one of those super simple premises that could be fun in the right hands.
Except, it kind of isn’t. Not often anyway.
Don’t get me wrong, on paper this movie is amazing. It’s directed and co-written by 1970s arthouse director Monte Hellman of Two Lane Blacktop fame. It’s scored by J. Steven Soles, one of Bob Dylan’s guitarists from his 1975-76 Rolling Thunder Review tour. It also stars three actors from David Lynch TV shows and movies. Richard Beymer and Eric Da Re, who were both in Twin Peaks, and Laura Harring, who was in Mulholland Drive. Not just that, but it also has Bill Moseley (Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, The Devil’s Rejects) playing the killer Ricky, and Robert Culp (I Spy, The Greatest American Hero) as a Police Detective. This is a LOT of talent for a direct-to-video film.
However, Silent Night Deadly Night 3 tosses away a lot of good will right out the gate by having Bill Moseley play Ricky as mostly mute and zombie-like throughout the entire movie. It’s mind boggling that the filmmakers made this choice. Moseley is a wonderful madman, capable of cranking his persona to 11 and being awesome doing it, but they force him into this subdued boring performance. It’s even more jarring when you think of just how over-the-top Eric Freeman was in Part 2. I would have loved to see Moseley go “Full Metal Moseley” in the part. It would have easily ranked up there with his Chop Top and Otis. Alas, what could have been…
Still, there are many bright spots and I always find myself enjoying this movie. The cinematography can be really interesting, and it’s probably the most professional looking of all five films. There are also a lot of good little character moments. Eric Da Re and Samantha Scully are really believable as brother and sister. Richard Beymer is really great as the slightly mad Doctor obsessed with keeping Ricky alive so he can figure out what drives psychopaths to kill by using Laura to dive into his mind and discover why he’s insane. Also, as tragically sedate as Moseley is, at least Robert Culp is having the time of his life. He’s easily the best thing in the movie, by far, and his interactions with Richard Beymer are marvellous. It really makes me wish he’d have had the same sort of career as Leslie Nielsen. The man knows how to steal scenes and it’s beautiful.
TEN THOUGHTS I HAD WATCHING THE MOVIE:
#1 – Bill Moseley actually does some slightly fun acting in the movie, and he has more dialogue than I may be letting on, but it’s still a very dry performance.
#2 – You will say “Come back Robert Culp, we need you!” many many times. He’s the best thing in this.
#3 – While this is probably the best shot and best directed of all the Silent Night films, it’s not the most fun to watch.
#4 – For F—k’s Sake! They still managed to pad this turd out with footage from the first film. AGAIN!
#5 – Thanks for the Gratuititties Laura Harring! Truly a great Christmas present.
#6 – Would it have killed them to have Bill Moseley dress up as Santa Claus? He’s not the Denim Jacket and Corduroy Shirt killer. He’s the SANTA CLAUS killer.
#7 – Speaking of Denim. The denim budget on this film must have been HUGE. It’s like Jay Leno controlled the fashion industry back then.
#8 – The power of Eric Da Re’s chest hair could solve male pattern baldness. I swear to God, I thought he was wearing a mohair shirt.
#9 – Robert Culp is the MVP of this movie. I have tried to praise almost everyone involved in the film, but I think he deserves the most.
#10 – Speaking of praise, Richard Beymer is a wonderful actor. I really wish he’d done more movies that played up to his strengths. He’s great at being weird and intense.
WAS IT REALLY BAD?
“Good” bad movies are usually the result of untalented filmmakers trying to make art or talented filmmakers succeeding at making trash. In both cases, what makes these films work is that people care about what they’re doing. I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating, sincerity always shines through. So with that in mind, Silent Night 3’s director Monte Hellman doesn’t seem to give enough of a shit to make this work on any level. It’s not really art, it’s not really trash, and except for a couple of actors no one seems to be giving two turdle doves about being in this movie. (Yes, I misspelled Turtle on purpose) Everyone seems to have shown up, did a thing, and went out for tacos. That’s it. Zero effort for them. Zero reward for us.
Still… I can’t totally toss this movie under the bus. It had many good singular scenes, there was some good dialogue, some of the performances were cool, and there was some laughter and merriment to be had. I just feel that there’s less good than there is bad, and so I can’t quite recommend this. There’s too many scenes were literally nothing happens because they didn’t have the budget. So you’re often just watching actors faff around to pad the running time. Know what though? I kind of love this movie anyway, despite everything I’ve said, but I fear I might be alone. Maybe I’ll inspire some of you to love it too. Who knows? There certainly have been stranger Christmas miracles than that.
Well, that’s all I got. Hope I was at least a bit amusing and educational. I may not be the greatest reviewer, but I like to think I bring a little human soul to everything I write. Anyway, I wish you all happy holidays, health, and joy. The world could use more of that. Be excellent and have a great rest of the year.
