Like the original series, Seth Gordon’s “Baywatch” is an anomaly. With the original television series, it was a silly, and moronic action drama that most people weren’t sure should be laughed at, or taken seriously. The same can be said for the movie which itself is never sure if it wants to mock the original series, or create an earnest action movie around the frame work of the show. The Baywatch lifeguards work outside of their jurisdiction and seem to work hard to remind audiences that it’s incredibly far fetched for lifeguards to be investigating gang members and drug smugglers, so the film hops back and forth from slapstick satire to straight laced action comedy.
Everyone in the film seems so confused about how to approach every single element of the story, that I sat most of the time confused as to whether I was watching a lampooning or a straight laced grasp for an action franchise. It offers up some really intense violence and a villainess with devious intentions involving the bay Mitch Buchanan and his team work on one minute. The next we’re being subjected to a long sequence of character Ronnie getting his testicles stuck in a beach chair, while Mitch refers to Efron’s character as “High School Musical.” Dwayne Johnson plays meathead and beloved lifeguard Mitch Buchanan who is preparing for a new year of new recruits. When the higher ups recruit ex-Olympics swimmer Matt Brody as a means of publicity for tourism and bringing new customers to the beach, Mitch begins clashing with the young hot head.
Ronnie is an adrenaline freak prone to defying authority, and they have to work together when Mitch discovers a lethal drug washing ashore on the beach that might be linked to a new land developer. “Baywatch” wants to be all kinds of things for the audience. It’s a buddy comedy, a gangster thriller, an action thriller, and spends a lot of time mocking the established universe. The writers almost seem embarrassed by the original property, so to cut off criticism, they spend a lot of time poking fun at themselves. One scene even finds Mitch explaining what the lifeguards confront on a daily basis, coincidentally citing plots from past “Baywatch” episodes. This prompts Matt to turn around and explain how his descriptions sound like far fetched plots to a ridiculous show. So should we be laughing at the movie or laughing with it? Should we be mocking the Baywatch group for taking their jobs very seriously or should we be rooting for them?
As a comedy mocking the show, it’s all fairly obvious with pokes at slow motion running, and absurd scenarios involving being a lifeguard. It’s all jokes we’ve been hearing since the actual show premiered. As an action comedy it’s merely an abysmal, bland, and laughless waste of time that only gathers accidental laughs here and there. If anything it does fulfill promises of eye candy, with a very good looking cast, including Kelly Rohrbach as the dreamy CJ, and Ilfenesh Hadera as Stephanie, to name a few. With a script that zeroed in on an actual tone and engaging premise, “Baywatch” may actually have been a strong iteration of the series. Sadly, it’s yet another disingenuous, botched adaptation that wants to make money off of the fan base, while conveying obvious embarrassment toward the property.