Director Patrick Johnson’s horror thriller wants to be an amalgam of “Fatal Attraction” and Takashi Miike’s “Audition,” and while both ambitions are admirable, neither of those classics rise to the surface to add entertainment value to “She’s Crushed.” While Natalie Dickinson is infinitely sexier than Glenn Close, “She’s Crushed” is never quite sure what to do with itself nor is it clear which character we’re supposed to be following. At times we’re told the entire ordeal is Ray’s where he’s forced to deal with alcoholism and memories of his days serving in the military, all the while coping with a new neighbor who gets the idea Patrick may be in love with her after a torrid one night stand. Apparently Ray didn’t receive the all too important memo that women can get that impression.
Tag Archives: Horror
I Spit On Your Grave: Unrated (2010)
Was this remake entirely necessary? Actually no. Especially when you consider Meir Zarchi’s 1978 revenge film continues to be a widely revered, and critically reviled piece of volatile grindhouse cinema that not only set the stages for future revenge films, but was already remade subsequent its theatrical release where we saw no end of women on a rampage revenge films in the late seventies in to the eighties. “I Spit on Your Grave” is still one of the most heavily discussed and angrily debated cult masterpieces to this day inspiring hatred and praise from many film buffs and to this day inspires pure vitriol from iconic film critic Roger Ebert who despises Zarchi’s film so passionately, he banishes anyone who enjoyed it.
Suicide Girls Must Die! (2010)
I think deep down Sawa Suicide just assumed that horror fans alike would universally embrace “Suicide Girls Must Die” for the simple fact that it’s a horror movie with a lot of hot girls from the actual website. Granted, I am a huge fan of the Suicide Girls (seriously, these women are insanely beautiful) but just because something is even slightly popular, it doesn’t mean it warrants a movie. And you can hide all of the flaws and cheese behind the fact that it’s a horror film, but even so. The fact that anyone assumed this would be even the least bit entertaining is beyond me and displays a bit of hubris in the notion that the Suicide Girls attachment would mean rave reviews.
Troll (1986)
I remember the moment in “Best Worst Movie” where one of the stars of “Troll 2” are looking at a DVD box of “Troll” and “Troll 2” at a video store, and the clerk explains that the movie meant for the bad movie section of the shop is “Troll 2.” After finally watching “Troll” I can safely say that this absolutely unbearable film should also be in the same category as the film that ventured in to the town of Nilbog. Harry Potter and his family have just moved in to a mysterious apartment complex directly near a small wooded area. Upon discovering their surroundings, irritating little sister Wendy entering the basement, she’s captured by a troll, and the monster takes on her form. Rather than playing it cool and sneaking about the apartment building, the troll of course begins wreaking havoc acting like a hyperactive child for reasons never actually explained, and biding its time by venturing around the building making mischief.
The Taint (2010)
After reading the press materials for Dan Nelson and Drew Bolduc’s “The Taint,” I expected almost anything to happen while watching it. And that’s pretty much what I was given when watching “The Taint.” Just about anything and everything that you can imagine happened. And some things you were too afraid to imagine happened. It’s almost impossible to describe the film that was made by directors Dan Nelson and Drew Bolduc, but it’s an experience that no one will forget after watching it. And surely enough it has Troma written all over it. It’s compelling while also entertaining. It’s trashy but it’s clever. And it’s completely abundantly moronic, but also has a wit to it that makes it entertaining.
F (2010)
I think in the end audiences will find the finale of “F” to be rather infuriating for the simple fact that while director Johannes Roberts doesn’t create a very conventional horror film, he also doesn’t opt for a conventional final scene. And viewers awaiting a huge showdown or some sense of comprehension to the extreme events that have occurred throughout the running time of “F,” many will find that it just doesn’t come to a close as many will be expecting. We live in a world where movies explain everything and anything they can. “F” chooses to leave most of its premise a mystery and keeps the motives of its almost supernatural legion of villains a mystery even after the credits have finished rolling.
The Human Sexipede (First Sequence: A Porn Parody) (2010)
If the pretentious shit drizzle torture porn of 2010 entitled “The Human Centipede” entertained you, or if it just made you roll your eyes at the bloated hype, then “The Human Sexipede” may just be right up your alley. “The Human Sexipede” works more as a spoof of the Tom Six film than it does a hardcore porn, and right from the get go its intent is to make us laugh. I found myself giggling through most of the parody, especially with Sunny Lane and Amber Rayne delivering dialogue that’s nothing but clunky foreshadowing. The basic premise of this version is that both American tourists are incapable of achieving sexual satisfaction. After a quick girl on girl romp involving anal probing with vibrators, and 69ing, the girls find the evil Dr. Heiter online through a personal ad where Heiter insists he likes to party.