There is nothing worse than a slasher movie that takes forever to get going. Directors Michael Hoffman Jr. and Aaron T. Wells build a film almost two hours long that takes thirty minutes to really get in motion. I’m not averse to watching hot girls jiggle around and play in pools, but you have to give us something more if you’re not going to directly begin hacking characters to death. “Girls Gone Dead” doesn’t enter in to its actual plot until thirty minutes. The first half hour is nothing but filler and bad exposition. Save for a funny cameo from Linnea Quigley, the first half hour easily could have been cut or truncated for pacing.
Katie Peterson plays the suppressed Rebecca whose mom lords over her obsessively and prevents her from expressing herself. When Rebecca goes on spring break with her friends, Rebecca is ready to let loose and have fun. Of course, there’s a killer who begins hacking Rebecca’s friends with a war hammer and axe, and no one is the wiser until the very end. What’s irritating about the film is that the first half hour means almost nothing. The girls stay at the house of character Missy’s father and engage in some mild sexual antics, they party at a local restaurant, and one of the girls is hacked up. Only then do the girls end up at Spring break where they hope to become stars of the newest episode of a “Girls Gone Wild” show. That’s when we finally reach the intended purpose of the film, altogether.
Hot girls, spring break, and a lot of blood. The identity of the killer is kept a secret, as viewers must figure out who is doing the killing. Is it Rebecca’s over protective mother? Is Rebecca a psychopath? Did one of the girls’ boyfriends decide to pay them some revenge? Or is a religious fanatic punishing these teens for their sexual antics? “Girls Gone Dead” is a mixed bag of horror and comedy. When the writing and pacing is good, “Girls Gone Dead” is a step above mediocre with slightly engaging tension, but when it’s down, it’s nearly unwatchable. Not to mention much of the intended comedy is completely misfired.
The characters for the most part are forgettable and one dimensional with no actual depth to them, and I kept wondering when we’d actually see a blood bath ensue. The only stand out performance is from Shea Stewart who is ridiculously sexy and entertaining as the resident bad girl and ringleader Missy Pratt. With her bad girl drawl and confidence, she steals the screen from the entire cast. I’d have love to see the movie center on her character gradually, rather than the rest of the interchangeable cast. Hell, I could have watch two hours of her reading a magazine. Katie Peterson, despite her best efforts, never really adds depth or appeal to the character of Rebecca, and she never actually sells her role as the final girl of the film.
The directors do know how to implement their celebrity cameos, and they have fun with Howard Stern star Beetlejuice, as well as porn star Ron Jeremy. Jerry “The King” Lawler even appears as a town sheriff and pulls in a shockingly good performance. “Girls Gone Dead” really could have trimmed twenty minutes from its run time and not devoted so much time to spring break hijinks. If I’m going to devote almost two hours to a slasher movie, I’d love to see gory kills and a slick serial killer. When the screws finally begin to turn, “Girls Gone Dead” serves us a half baked finale, with a heavy emphasis on copying from Wes Craven’s “Scream” formula. “Girls Gone Dead” has real potential to be a schlocky slasher, but in the end it’s merely a forgettable shelf filler.