It should serve as no surprise that a zombie movie produced by Uwe Boll is nothing but an empty and utterly tedious experience. I’m not going to proclaim “Eaters” as the worst zombie movie ever made, but it’s definitely one where there’s simply no substance and nothing to take away from it. It’s not too much to ask for a zombie movie where we can empathize with characters, and experience something exciting while also having a good time. “Dead Set” managed to accomplish that well.
Our two protagonists Igor and Alen basically do nothing but sit around scowling at one another and dwelling on the end of the world. We’re supposed to follow them as they scavenge the dead ridden world for supplies, and try to find some semblance of sanity within the carnage. The sad fact is neither of these gentlemen are at all interesting or worth following. They’re more broadly written archetypes for this kind of horror fodder, never quite feeling like humans, and instead just come off as cinematic versions of video game characters. Which is no surprise considering “Eaters” functions like a video game, where the zombies are just fodder for machine gun shoot outs, and various scenes of throttling with cars and weaponry.
“Eaters” is a movie where literally nothing happens for the entire ninety minute running time. It’s void of an actual narrative despite presenting a fairly effective back drop. The writers take so much of the first opening minutes to build a world that’s fallen apart at the seams and have fallen prey to flesh eating monsters. There’s footage of rioting, and folks in HAZMAT suits disposing of the dead. Once we enter in to our primary narrative, it’s sad to see that directors Luca Boni and Marco Ristori basically run out of ideas before we even meet our two anti-heroes of the piece. With the zombie apocalypse, there’s always room to create a compelling, or perhaps entertaining tale about human struggle and whatnot. Even if you’re just interested in creating a dumb fun time set in a zombie apocalypse, a creative mind can run with the seeds of potential.
But “Eaters” really accomplishes nothing and in the end amounts to absolutely zero. “Eaters” wears its influences on its sleeve, taking a huge amount of its narrative from Romero’s “Day of the Dead” where a bunch of military lunk heads bash around in a bunker trying to fend off insanity, all the while a doctor experiments on the dead in his lab trying to learn their secrets. The sad part is, Romero found something rich and insightful in “Day,” while “Eaters” is just ugly, mean spirited, and lacking in any kind of interesting characters. As an experience, and as a zombie entry in the humongous library of modern zombie cinema, “Eaters” is a waste of time. Hell, even horror fans just interested in a fun zombie movie will find “Eaters” woefully disappointing.