Yes, I’m sure when Bruce Lee came to America, he dreamed of having the American remake machine take what was once a dignified television property that made his career and turn it in to a bonafide vanity project for someone like Seth Rogen. I’m sure he’d love the fact that rather than take his entire project seriously and transform the Green Hornet in to a truly adult and complex superhero epic like “The Dark Knight,” it would instead become another version of “Rush Hour.”
Except rather than a one note African American comedic actor/stoner screaming and making fun of the Asian man, it’d be a one note Jewish comedic actor/stoner who’d take the property and make it in to another action comedy fit for his own vanity and sense of delusion all the while squeezing in his own friends for a good time (hey look James Franco! Didn’t see that coming!) and trying desperately to convince audiences that he is indeed an action hero. And what’s worse is star Seth Rogen couldn’t even break out of his comfort zone and take the role in to a whole new adult direction, and instead just took the stoners from his past Judd Apatow films and merely slapped a superhero outfit on the mold.
I am well aware the Green Hornet did not begin and end with Bruce Lee, but the character of Britt Reid and Kato deserved oh so much more than a goofy paper thin comedy actor who would add a Fozzy Bear warble to what should have been a very intense and unique superhero revival. Green Hornet and Kato should be larger than life, they should be such a unique partnership of dynamic martial arts and ingenuity, but instead they’re turned in to morons with fine suits. For audiences really paying attention, Seth Rogen reveals once and for all that he is incapable of doing much on screen beyond acting like a man-child buffoon and providing as many double takes as possible. Even when the news of Britt’s dad’s death is broken (Tom Wilkinson has a thankless cameo as Daddy Exposition), Rogen can barely muster up a competent glower.
But at least Rogen riffs on the metrosexual Kato responding like a special ed student on acid with every new gadget Kato conveniently has stored up his sleeve, and just to be politically correct Kato is a super genius who runs the show when Reid is convinced he’s leading the charge. That’s called white guilt, folks. And let’s not forget that rather than Kato being a master martial artist, he is just a mutant who has Kato Vision–you know, just for the 3D conversion. Britt Reid as a character–or at least by Rogen’s version–is a blustery, moronic, vapid yuppy who is deep down just a blustery, moronic, vapid yuppy prone to riffing like Jack Black, and doing very little to help audiences empathize with him. Hell, most of the time not even Kato seems to enjoy Britt’s company, and we’re supposed to believe they’re partners in crime.
Further wasted is Christoph Walz reduced to a snarling mustache twirling Christopher Walken clone whose entire master plan is as convoluted as can be expected, and Edward James Olmos playing moral center to Reid, all of whom are void of their usual charisma as Rogen manages to chew up the scenery, even taking the glory away from newcomer Jay Chou who is barely a presence on-screen in what should have been a very compelling character. But as is the requisite with a Rogen vehicle, “The Green Hornet” is about Rogen and Rogen, only. And the audience pays for it. Seth Rogen takes what should have and could have been one of the most unique antithesis’ to Batman and transforms it in to a vanity project for his one note comedy and flat one-liners destroying all supporting players in his path from Christoph Walz, and Edward James Olmos, right down to newcomer Jay Choum, Tom Wilkinson. This is not the Green Hornet. It’s barely an action movie.