I can’t tell you how long it’s been since we’ve had a great anthology horror film. It’s been a while, because I really can’t remember the last great anthology film we were given in theaters or home video, but “Three… Extremes” is a surefire breath of fresh air for the horror genre, and one that thankfully did not go unappreciated. I’ve waited a long time to finally see this film, and apparently the wait was utterly worth it, in the end. Take three excellent Asian directors, and let them go hog wild on-screen with rarely a step back into discretion. Fuck “Masters of Horror,” these three directors take you to school. In these three incredibly directed tales, we’re taken through the ringer of the three extremes of humanity.
Category Archives: Movie Reviews
Let’s Scare Jessica to Death (1971)
What helps “Let’s Scare Jessica to Death” pave the way as a genuine horror film, is that it’s more content with examining the pure madness of the human mind than it does splashing blood on the walls. Which is not to say there isn’t blood, but the madness of the entire premise is perfectly exemplified thanks to the often desolate set pieces before us. The farm house in which our characters reside, the small town down the road, and even the lake, are all spots that are perfectly maddening and morbid to the story.
Creepshow III (2006)
Just so you know, Stephen King and George Romero had as much to do with this as Romero did with “Day of the Dead: Contagium.” Just so you know, “Creepshow III” is about as much of a sequel to the series, as “Debbie Does Dallas” is a documentary on sports. Taurus Entertainment had the pure balls to attempt to tie this in with the original “Creepshow” series, and failed, big time. And guess what? A “Creepshow 4” is on the way. Yes, sir. Taurus, the maker of pure dog vomit, has now continued the crappy sequels department, and their reign of terror isn’t ending any time soon. “Creepshow III” is one of their plans of attack on the genre, and “Creepshow III” is a pure travesty on the senses. It’s so bad it inflicts actual physical pain on its viewer. It’s so bad it makes Uwe Boll look like a brilliant director. It’s bad, would be the general bullet point of this review.
Scoop (2006)
After the painfully overrated “Match Point,” I was basically ready to welcome anything else that Allen could offer us. Sadly, going out of New York and onto the UK for his comedy thrillers has worked against Allen, and he’s pretty out of his element, as it becomes apparent with “Scoop.” All essence of genius and life is gone, and every one liner that Allen hurls our way manages to fall flatter and flatter to the point where it becomes rather pathetic. Especially when you consider the fact he’s now resorted to remaking his own movies, with “Scoop” being a loose remake of “Manhattan Murder Mystery.”
Miracle in the Rain (1956)
I’m glad “Miracle in the Rain” turned out to be a great romance, because I was pretty much disappointed by the Valentine’s packet Warner Home Video sent over to review. “Miracle in the Rain” is mostly just a show for Van Johnson. Johnson, ever the versatile entertainer, really shines well in “Miracle in the Rain,” a romance drama about a soldier on leave who meets a young woman one day and sparks a romance with her. Their relationship is lovely right from the get go, as Johnson’s character Art seems to break the shell of Wyman’s introverted Ruth. He sparks conversations, almost interrupts her life, and she is a better person for it. “Miracle in the Rain” is one of many war time romance dramas about the effects of World War II on the world and the individuals within it.
The Break-Up (2006)
I’m one who personally doesn’t enjoy the quick talking shtick that has basically made Vince Vaughn’s career. Not only is it a rather tiresome shtick, but hearing him talking like he’s wired on coke is often rather mind-numbing. So you pair up Vaughn’s coke head comedy, with Jennifer Aniston’s perpetually bland acting, and you have this vehicle that hopes to create a neo-“Odd Couple” vibe that never works. Romance comedies hardly ever work these days, and it’s because we have to care about relationships between two obnoxious characters with no connection to the audience. How can I give a shit about two people like this?
Debbie Does Dallas (1978)
Let me tell you, its tough reviewing one of the most famous porn movies ever made. Hell, its tough reviewing porn, period. How do you review a porno movie? I can’t really speak on the acting, because hell, it’s a porn movie, there aren’t Oscar winning performances. And the production quality is abysmal. So, how do I go about this, I ask myself. But you’re probably asking why I’m reviewing a porno movie. Well, it’s just because this over-opinionated asshole wanted to throw his three cents in on this classic film. You’ve all heard about it. You know about it, so I thought I’d just give you the lowdown. The reason “Debbie Does Dallas” is such a bonafide classic is simply because it has everything men and women like in a porno. The sex scenes are staged fantasies, the cast is comprised of cheerleaders, and our main character is hot. “Debbie Does Dallas” has a huge history in the film medium. For proof on that, check out “Debbie Does Dallas Uncovered,” and you’ll see what I mean. The reason why “Debbie Does Dallas” was big was because of Bambi Woods. People attribute the success of this film to many things, but I pin it on Bambi Woods. Woods isn’t (or wasn’t, if she’s actually dead) a fox in the strictest sense.