Evelyn: The Cutest Evil Dead Girl (2002)

Imagine if Dr. Seuss combined genius with Edgar Allan Poe, with Tim Burton bouncing ideas off of them, and what do you get? Well, if you’re lucky you’d get Evelyn, the cutest evil dead girl, a demented fairytale with the mood and color you never get in films anymore, the mood and color that’s missing from the horror genre today. Many call this basically a rip from “Lenore the Living Dead Girl” comic book, and perhaps that’s true, but “Evelyn” is such a sick and demented short film I had so much fun watching that I didn’t really care.

Continue reading

The Squid and the Whale (2005)

the-squid-and-the-whaleYet another Oscar contender I’ve been aching to see before it was even an Oscar contender, “The Squid and the Whale” presents and upper middle class family of intellectuals and prominent athletes at war with one another. At the beginning of the film, I was rather worried this would become yet another “Ice Storm” rip-off except set in New York, but “The Squid and the Whale” is a simple but engrossing parable of a family set in half, and their children having to choose sides. “The Squid and the Whale” is a basic tale of two parents so at odds with one another that it follows down to their children whom are also at war and don’t even seem to realize it. Noah Baumbach’s writing is very enlightening with this simple slice of life of a family at war, and really doesn’t depict anyone as a villain, though the story does veer to certain directions here and there.

Continue reading

Comparing “Shall We Dansu" and "Shall We Dance?": The Superior and the Inferior

I admit I’ve never seen either films, but I watched both one after the other leaving bias’ aside and judged them as separate entities while comparing them to see which one was better. Contradictory, sure, but shut up. Either way, both films are different in terms of their content. While “Shall we Dansu?” is a risqué film in Japan seeing as how human affection isn’t as casual or normal as anywhere else it, “Shall we Dance?” Is normal to the point of being bland. In the country where we watch people having sex on-screen, watching two people dance is nothing worth scoffing at. But in many films in Japan, characters fall in love without ever really kissing, so “Shall we Dansu?” ended up becoming the more original, and layered film.

Continue reading

The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005)

thumb_EB20050609REVIEWS50605001ARThe words Robert Rodriguez would come to regret saying for years to his son: “This would make a cool movie”. Oy. It’s difficult to just outright cut this movie a new one, especially since the intentions behind it are admirable. Whether or not Rodriguez’ son thought of the story, dreamt of these characters, and or co-wrote this screenplay, it’s hard to completely rip it apart. It sucks, that’s a given, and its Rodriguez’ worst, but I’m still trying to figure out why this was made. I remember kids movies being bad, especially when I was a kid. I had to suffer through “Rock a Doodle”, “Ferngully”, and “Mom and Dad Save the World”, but I believe it’s possible to make a very good kids film.

Continue reading

The Halfway House (2004)

5FK3cEddie: Who’s my sweet baby bitch?
Cherry Pie: I am.
Eddie: That’s right.

In the mood for a lesbian horror thriller? Well, who isn’t? And “The Halfway House” will surely cure what ails you. It’s a movie that is so awful, it’s actually quite entertaining, and “The Halfway House” rises to occasion in terms of garbage, but throughout the entire run time, I did enjoy some of it. About thirty percent of it, which would account for the generous rating. It’s cheesy and exploitative, but it’s also pretty fun, especially when the “screenwriter” rips lines from other films (in the climax, the heroine spouts “Smile, you son of a bitch” before killing the monster).

Continue reading

Nintendo: Oldschool Revolution (2006)

earBy2wSick of those films that have humongous battles, wars with mythological creatures, a leader of a mass army giving his legion of soldiers a large dramatic pep talk on the battlefield, fantasy stories about revenge, and wizards, all battling to fight an evil legion of soldiers whom want to take over the world? Well, stop. And watch at least one more. But this gigantic film’s hero is not a hobbit, or a knight of the round table, this hero is a–plumber. Seriously. Take your stigma for these films and put it on hold, and watch Larry Longstreth’s new hilarious short film that really puts a new meaning to the game wars.

Continue reading

11:14 (2003)

d190ca_467e45528b6546ae83a1

Imagine “The Trouble with Harry” combined with “Go”, and then take those films and dump it in a pile of shit, and then you’d have “11:14”, an incredibly grueling experience with yet more episodic vignettes except dialed down with a B cast with the likes of Colin Hanks, Patrick Swayze, and Oscar Winner Hillary Swank. One of these things is not like the other… Either way, “11:14” wants to be considered Altmanesque, but really it’s just another “Pulp Fiction” redux, ensemble cast and all, except shitty. Shelved for three years, and finally released in 2005 to a DVD release, and then premiering late night on cable television was a a deserved fate for such a low brow utterly ridiculous ensemble picture as “11:14”.

Continue reading