So, you’re likely asking, why in the name of tap-dancing Jesus would anyone even think about creating a sequel to one of the worst movies ever made. Well–your guess is really as good as mine. Make an assortment of guesses. Because I have no flipping clue. Anyway, literally about fifteen minutes in to my notes, I’m watching, and hoping, and then I see the zombies whom have green teeth, and bad white skin. Their teeth is neon green by the way, and their skin makes them look like mimes. And then I put one star without a doubt next to the title. Sometimes I’ll end up changing it, but usually the grade I give a film stays permanent and I didn’t have to worry about changing it during the course of this wretched sequel. It’s a bad movie. Really bad. Not Uwe Boll bad, that I can attest to, but it’s bad. And there’s still no fucking house.
Tag Archives: Horror
Underworld: Evolution (2006)
In spite of its many, many failings and flaws, I liked “Underworld”. It’s no masterpiece, it’s not even that good, yet it’s still a pretty fun movie that’s mindless without being dumb. I like to describe it as “Matrix” meets horror, meets Abercrombie and Fitch. Sadly, the lore presented in the (now) “Underworld” franchise is still skewed and poor, but it sure is pretty fun. “Underworld: Evolution” is, I’m ashamed to admit, a step up from the previous installment. And it’s much edgier than the first film with more blood, and gore, and some very sexually suggestive material.
Dark Water (2005): Unrated
I must say I don’t know what I was expecting from “Dark Water” ultimately. I know it wasn’t supposed to be horror, I know it’s technically not horror at all, but it was marketed as such, and thankfully not a lot of audiences fell for it. I know it’s a remake I’ve yet to see as well. Now, with “Dark Water” I was surprised that I liked it. I didn’t love it, and it’s far from perfect, but there were certain, or many aspects within its story and characterization that just clicked with me. It’s a pretty heartbreaking supernatural drama that really examines not only the bond between a mother and a daughter, but how easily children can fall through the cracks in adults own self-centered pursuits and problems.
Masters of Horror: Haeckel's Tale
So we have the season finale, finally. Excuse the inadvertent pun. With a season of highs and lows, good and bad, and hits and misses, “Masters of Horror” season one comes to an end. With a period piece concerning death and the living dead. Sure, to some it may seem like yet another retread, and in many respects it was, but as a standalone, I really liked this episode, and because it involves zombies, and has the great Gregory Nicotero, you know you’re about to see some wicked zombie make-up effects. Haeckel is a young doctor who seeks to discover the mysteries of the necromancers, their necromancing, and the voodoo that they do so he can use it for his current scientific project of re-animating dead corpses, but he finds he’s gone too deep when he is taken in by a couple one night and discovers the wife holds a mystery.
Wallace & Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005)
A couple of months before I was able to grab a hold of a copy of “Were-rabbit”, I was able to catch on television the three shorts of the adventures of “Wallace and Gromit”. They’re three claymation shorts that earned a massive cult following. Usually, it’s very hip to say that anything nominated for an Oscar isn’t that good, but “Wallace and Gromit” is one of those Oscar properties that really did get the praise it deserved. Trust when I say this, Wallace and Gromit is far from overrated.
Seed of Chucky (2004)
When can you tell that a horror franchise has run out of steam? When it begins spoofing itself. Much like “Scream”, much like “Halloween”, and, yes, much like my beloved “Friday the 13th” series. It’s safe to say that once a series has resorted to spoofing itself from the very beginning, you know its run out of ideas, and you just know its writers aren’t even trying, anymore. Mancini’s newest spin-off of the “Child’s Play” franchise is yet another sequel that takes every chance in saying “We’re stupid, and we know we’re stupid, so look how not stupid we are by pointing out how stupid this story is.”
Masters of Horror: Pick Me Up
“Pick me Up” prides itself in being both morbid and pleasingly twisted. As if the concept of open roads and total strangers wasn’t uneasy enough, the fact that the writer pinpoints that there can also be psychotic truckers and psychotic hitchhikers works with a great effect. The ego war between both Walker and Wheeler is fascinating to watch as they have almost a competition killing people they come across and taking immense interest in their methods. And then there’s Fairuza Balk. Normally, I’m not one who thinks she’s sexy, but surprisingly, here, watching her walk around in a towel was sexy. She’s unnecessary, but she’s good here.