I’ve either pretty much come to terms with the fact that Hollywood will remake anything, even the heavyweights of the film world. Or maybe I’m just too numb (and am coming down with Stockholm Syndrome) to care about treasured movies being given botched remakes. I should be angry, but I’m not. I came to terms with Hollywood’s xerox machine a long time ago. I instead have chosen to take modern remakes and look at them as their own entities, a copy that doesn’t necessarily have to stick to the original source material to be good. How do you remake a nearly seventy year old movie and stick in modern times? It can’t be too easy, and if you’ve seen this remake you’ll realize that most times it’s nearly impossible.
Looking at it as something new I was in agony reveling at one of the most boring and tedious remakes ever made, something that is so genre confused that there doesn’t even seem to be a target audience in mind. Who is this movie appealing to anyway? No one apparently because the action and science fiction carnage promised in the trailers really only leads us in to about ten minutes total of the robotic behemoth Gort taking down a few fighter jets and remaining still as stone to eventually fall under the captive of the US government where his eventual exit in the story is so abrupt and unsatisfying it will ensure audiences’ utter disappointment. Beyond the lackluster “killer” robot instances there’s just nothing else here. This obvious confusion and frustrating script leads director Scott Derrickson in to confusing corners and holes that not even the writers seem to have an explanation or excuse.
Why does Klaatu seem to have an enormous amount of super powers? Do all of his race have his array of abilities? Has the Earth affected his genetic biology like Superman? Mainly why does Reeves seem to be channeling Neo from “The Matrix”? Sadly the only person who seems to be working at providing a truly good effort is Jaden Smith who channels the young Jacob a boy confused with his loyalties to his foster mom and helping the government take down any and all threats. He truly shines as someone struggling to keep his father’s memory alive while faced with an adult situation of great complexities. The rest of the time Reeves sleepwalks his way through the role while Connelly pretty much phones in her role as Helen, a scientist whose connection with Klaatu defies the heftiest of Earth’s forces. It’s all nothing but potential thrown in the trash for two hours centered around a talkie.
I doubt that’s what people came to see back in 2008. It’s all just two hours of pure monotony with CGI not even up to par in what should be considered a remake featuring state of the art effects. Many of the major CGI sequences seem almost incomplete at times with Gort resembling a video game character most of the time. I don’t see how anyone could screw up a character that basically remains still for most of the story, but they accomplish this task. And when Klaatu isn’t preaching about the environment and trying to rationalize our destructive behavior while green lighting destruction of our species through his allegedly peaceful race who all but seem ready and able to kill us all at a moment’s notice. Explain that. Nothing here is ever explained to its fullest because it all just seems so rushed and not fully able to unfold its own logic and lack thereof.
When it’s lacking the ability to justify its convoluted story it bases itself around obvious product placement that becomes pretty ridiculous. At one point to flee soldiers on a road, Klaatu (Reeves) advises Connelly’s character to hide out in a parking lot–of a McDonald’s. Where the M is bright as the sun. Even through their windshields. And then while we’re still awaiting the explanation to the endless array of questions the movie just ends with an abrupt last shot that blasts us in to the credits more confused now than we were before we even bothered to waste our time on it. Flashy fails, logic fails, acting fails, story fails, concept fails, preaching fails and we’re left with a film that seemingly has no audience it’s aiming for beyond bewildered science fiction fans and teens who assumed they were getting an alien invasion action film when in fact there’s nothing but ten minutes of robot fun. Fails, fails, epic fails all around.