Leapin’ Leprechauns! (1995)

Posted on March 15, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

Oh, leapin’ Irish stereotypes! “Leapin Leprechauns!” from Charles Band studio Moon Beam is not the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but it’s probably the most baffling I’ve seen in a good while. The film takes literally a half hour to get the actual plot in motion, and we spend about twenty long minutes on a leprechaun council meeting where the leprechauns and fairies argue and bicker non-stop. As for a villain of the piece, we don’t meet the evil menace until there’s only ten minutes left in the actual movie. I couldn’t understand why the villain was introduced before the credits actually began, but the writers fails to muster up an interesting bad guy.

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Ooga Booga (2013)

Posted on March 8, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

I’m not sure why, but “Ooga Booga” is apparently in the same universe as “Zombies vs. Strippers.” Not only is the strip club mentioned in passing, but Charles Band shoe horns the woefully unfunny and poorly created recurring character Hambo, a dysfunctional children’s show host in to the movie for reasons I can’t possibly fathom. Perhaps these last two films have been produced by the same person who feels the need to jump start their own Hambo movie somewhere in the future, I can only imagine. This isn’t the first time Charles Band has indicated these movies are all in the same universe, but I’m shocked that Band and Full Moon would rely on a recurring character like Hambo. I’d far more expect Full Moon to create a more enigmatic and interesting character to appear in their films to bridge stories from time to time than a perverted clown with a pig nose who hosts a kids’ show. But lo and behold, that’s what “Ooga Booga” feeds us.

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Spellcaster (1988)

Posted on March 1, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

Director Rafal Zielinski’s “Spellcaster” is so damn good, I want to hug it, and love it, and cuddle it to pieces. An unabashed childhood favorite, “Spellcaster” originally began life in my household as a VHS purchase from a closing video store in our neighborhood. Soon enough my brother and I enjoyed it so much it became a favorite on VHS, on constant rotation whenever we wanted to have a blast with a goofy eighties horror film. And rest assured, “Spellcaster” is about as goofy an eighties horror film as it gets.

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Cemetery High (1989)

Posted on February 15, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

Basically, Gorman Bechard’s “Cemetery High” is a comedy spoof of every rape revenge movie you’ve ever seen. Except when it tries to be funny, it fails painfully. When it tries for exploitation revenge, it manages to be a pretty absurd and interesting bit of revenge horror. I wonder why someone thought mocking this material would make for an entertaining movie. Granted, the tale of women striking down rapists isn’t exactly a dramatic bit of cinematic fare, especially in the late eighties, but mocking the material so incessantly feels so shoe horned, the comedy is awkward rather than unfunny.

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Breeders (1986)

Posted on January 18, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

Detective Dale Andriotti: Maybe when this is over, we can go out for dinner.
Dr. Gamble Pace: Okay, but I warn you right now… I have a tortured history with men.

Six minutes in, Dr. Gamble Pace as played by Teresa Farley escorts a police officer in to a young victim’s room in a hospital. The hospital room has only one small IV, no medical equipment, and the IV doesn’t seem to be hooked in to anything in particular. Obviously not holding to the discretion rules, Dr. Pace, dressed in average clothing and an awkward medical robe explains in a stilted and painfully performed monologue what the young girl experienced when attacked by a mysterious monster. While the girl is half awake an inch away. That’s about the time I thought: “Oh crap, this is going to be painful.”

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Arena (1989)

Posted on December 24, 2012 by Felix Vasquez

Charles Band’s “Arena” is a blast. And for a movie with such a small budget that is dated beyond belief, that’s quite an endorsement. There’s something about the imagination and creativity behind “Arena” that makes it such a treat to sit through. It’s such a simple and straight forward science fiction action film that it doesn’t even try for anything complicated or adult. If there’s ever a film that could use the remake treatment and become a fantastic action genre picture it’s this 1989 film from director Charles Band that sets down on an intergalactic wasteland where aliens do battle in a ring for sport and money amidst crowds of onlookers and fanatics.

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Prehysteria! (1993)

Posted on December 7, 2012 by Felix Vasquez

Hey, during the big dinosaur craze of the nineties, owning your own dinosaur was something almost every kid dreamt of. Owning your own miniature dinosaurs was just the icing on the cake that Charles Band and Full Moon pinpointed with accuracy. Sure “Prehysteria!” is one of almost two dozen films in the Full Moon library about miniatures of some kind, but “Prehysteria!” succeeds in being a novel family film. Granted, it’s cheesy as all hell, but in the context of the nineties, it gives kids their ideal fantasy: Owning and befriending their own pet dinosaurs. Dinosaurs with their own sweet personalities, to boot!

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