The work of horror auteur Adam Green has been something of a mixed bag for me since he debuted to horror fans so many years ago. I was not gaga over his slasher throwback “Hatchet,” but I was entertained immensely by his murder mystery “Spiral,” and somewhere between those movies he found the middle ground to make a movie that’s something of a horror film based around natural inconvenience. Such as “Open Water,” Adam Green sets down upon an incident that doesn’t seem like much of a big deal to the natural observer… until it happens to them.
Wanted Dead or Alive (1986)
In the eighties, Rutger Hauer was king. He was a man who managed to impress as both villain and anti-hero in many movies from the classic “The Hitcher” and “Bladerunner” to the not so classic but memorable “Blind Fury.” And as is the case, with every generation of bad asses, there’s always someone Hollywood is looking to peg as the next McQueen. “Wanted: Dead or Alive” is based on the excellent Western series starring Steve McQueen as a lone bounty hunter in the old west who travels along the land with his shot gun acquiring his next catch and teaching them lessons along the way while fighting the local bad guys. As is the case with the eighties, director Gary Sherman completely diminishes all of its period settings and sets its hero down in to modern times coating him with black leather, slicked back hair and teaming him against local terrorists as played by the tongued one Gene Simmons.
The Contrabulous Fabtraption of "Step Up 3D"
“People dance because dance can change things. One move, can bring people together. One move, can make you believe like there’s something more. One move, can set a whole generation free.”
It’s pretty surprising how anyone attempting to be considered a legitimate movie critic can somehow sully all credibility with his quasi-positive review of a dance movie set to 3D. What with 3D now shown as nothing but a cheap gimmick, injected in to a movie series that was nothing but a gimmick in the first place, I can understand why people would detest anything with “Step Up” attached. I mean with a quote you see at the beginning of this article, I can’t blame anyone for being remotely aggressive at the sight of this film or a remotely positive grading. But, as is the requisite, I’m in the minority when I say while “Step Up 3D” is a bad movie, it’s not the worst movie in theaters right now. This year brought without a doubt the worst movie in the last five year as directed by Kevin Smith, and we were force fed a “comedy” spoofing “Twilight.” Beyond that we also had a really awful “Nightmare on Elm Street” remake, Brendan Fraser battling animals, and a large Hawaiian wrestler dressed in a tutu and tights, but somehow people are convinced “Step Up 3D” is a plague on the box office.
Sarah Landon and the Paranormal Hour (2008)
To say the writing behind “Sarah Landon and the Paranormal Hour” is clunky, sloppy, and utterly lazy would be a gross understatement. The movie makes no effort in being at all coherent or fluid and instead just does nothing but make all of the wrong movies when applied to competent writing. Sarah Landon is the heroine of this picture and the best characterization we get from her is during her introduction when she gets in to her car and the director zooms in on her bumper sticker that reads “My Friend was Killed by a Drunk Driver.” Director Lisa Comrie doesn’t even try to giver her some complex characterization, she literally explains her entire story on a bumper sticker! And this is supposed to give us insight on Landon? Why not put another bumper sticker that reads “Sarah Landon: The Main Character”?
Noise (2007)
In the end I really wanted to love “Noise,” because as a born and bred New Yorker, I tend to sympathize with character David Owen whose humble nature makes it impossible for him to ignore the random city sounds around him that eventually begins to disrupt his life. Regardless of what he does he is a fish out of water, and soon he becomes a beast who uses that disturbance and somehow gains something of a thrill out of it. He loves to hate what he hates, and he never quite knows why, even after confrontations with the mayor and a courtroom stand off. By the final scene he’s embraced his lunacy, but hasn’t found a way to resolve it. And that’s where the problem lies in the narrative, Henry Bean never quite knows what message he’s trying to convey.
Smallville: The Complete Ninth Season (DVD)
Yes, whether we Superman fans like it or not, “Smallville” is on its ninth season and continues to stagger on like the mummy. You know it’s falling apart, but nevertheless it just continues to shamble on and on. “Smallville: The Complete Ninth Season” on DVD only signifies that the series has done every single thing imaginable to stray away from the true Superman mythos in an attempt to not only keep the general fans of the show interested, but to dodge the continuing lawsuit DC is enduring from the Shuster family.
What If… (2010)
Dallas Jenkins’ Christian drama is one of the more perfect movies for the religious target audience who appreciate films that revolve around re-claiming faith and getting back in touch with God, and deep down in to its core, “What If…” is a much more faith based remake of Brett Ratner’s “The Family Man.” Instead of Nicolas Cage as a sex crazed cocky corporate executive who comes across an angel who shows him what his life would be like if it were more fulfilled with family and friends while testing his morality, “What If…” stars Kevin Sorbo as a preacher who goes off on a religious retreat leaving the love of his life, loses touch with his religion and is shown how his life would be revolving around family and his beliefs by a kindly angel.