Imagine “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” mixed with “The Davinci Code”, imagine “Interview with the Vampire” sans the homosexual overtones, imagine “Dracula”, mixed with two Benadryl, a shot of whiskey, and a knock on the head, and you can perfectly sum up what “Vlad” is. This poor man’s “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” that becomes more of a quasi-“The Vlad Code” is a snoozer and a half, as a bunch of people try to dissect the legend of Vlad Tepes, but what sounds like a taut analyses of the legend of a war monger inevitably becomes a murky, utterly mindless, superficial quasi-thriller with people talking a lot and not saying much, characters interacting without chemistry, a lot of discovering Romanian villages without ever involving the audience, and a lot of characters walking around the forest without getting anywhere… and Billy Zane shows up at one point.
Unbreakable (2000)
This is, to put it plainly, my current favorite film of all time.
Let me count the ways:
Cinematography. It’s experimental without being art kitschy. If there’s one thing that M. Night seems to get, it’s a good director of photography. The man knows how to frame a scene. A lot of that, I assume, is just like writing a book. Practice. And M. Night, judging from the early age at which he started making films, has a lot of practice. There are a number of angles in this film that just stick with you. The scene in the train from the perspective of the child. The scene from above the weights, giving the audience weight on the main character. The scene in the rapist’s home where you see the rapist suddenly appear. Willis in frame in his Security Outfit, as superhero as a superhero movie gets.
The Top Ten Sexiest Actresses Over 35
These days, if you’re over thirty, you’re considered obsolete, but I, I have a real taste for the older women. Since there’s ageism running rampant in Hollywood, I thought instead of just a list of hotties, I’d list the top ten hottest women in Hollywood over thirty-five. Not to single them out as over the hill, but to show that older women are indeed hottest. And, these gorgeous women prove you can have looks and talent at the same time. Funny thing is, which further proves my point, while I had a lot of fun making it, this list was hard to compile. It’s tough finding great actresses whom also look really good that aren’t in their early twenties and thin as a beanpole. Not that these gorgeous women are fat. The criteria for my choosing of these women are their talent overall, their class, and their utter sex appeal which is basically the purpose of this list. And on to the list:
Kung Fu Hustle (2004)
After Stephen Chow’s hilarious “Shaolin Soccer”, he comes back with yet another very funny action-comedy that is part Chuck Jones, part Bruce Lee. The marriage of tense, engrossing martial arts action, and off the wall screwball antics that would make Tex Avery gleam with pride, is a task that wouldn’t be an easy one by any means, but director Stephen Chow balances the two accordingly, and as the climax becomes more action than comedy, there is still a sense of the goofy to it, a goofiness that some will love for its sheer originality, and some won’t for that same fact. Chow manages to create some of the most screwy comedy I’ve seen in a long time, while he manages to spoof much of his influences such as “The Shining” and “Thriller” as do all the directors whom have been impacted by pop culture.
A Tale of Two Sisters (Janghwa, Hongryeon) (2003)
I’m not sure what warranted the comparison, but “A Tale of Two Sisters” ultimately reminded me very much of “Hide and Seek”, the recent horror dud I had the misfortune of watching. Both films are very much similar in tone, theme, and concept, but make no mistake, they are not the same. In spite of its excellent cover, this isn’t entirely a horror film per se. This is more, in the sense, a supernatural drama that really manages to pinpoint the underlying themes of psychological trauma and childhood pain that, regardless of how much we try, can not ever come to grips with while telling one damn fine story. Such is the situation with this utterly beautiful masterpiece that paints itself as horror, but really ends up becoming an allegory for something completely different.
Ong Bak: Thai Fighter (2003)
I’m not sure why I took as long as I did watching “Ong Bak”. Perhaps it was because I’ve seen so many really bad martial arts films since I was a child, but when I was done with “Ong Bak”, I was just utterly blown away. “Ong Bak” knocked my socks off, and I was cursing myself for not seeing it sooner. “Ong Bak” marks the American premiere of Tony Jaa, a man whose physical talents are just astounding. But be warned “Ong Bak” is not a film based heavily on story, it’s mainly just there for the utterly amazing fight scenes. Fight scenes that are not only some of the most amazing action sequences I’ve ever seen in an action film, but also have some great choreography.
Paparazzi (2004)
I was looking forward to “Paparazzi”, I really was, I mean Cole Hauser is a cool mofo, and I was glad that he’d finally been given a vehicle of his own for once. But when I was done, I was disappointed, and pretty damn pissed that this was such a piece of crap. I mean, how can anyone with half a brain buy in to this nonsense? Mel Gibson’s Hairstylist directs this faux-actioner that serves up more of a message, but to whom? What’s the message here? From its mere facade of a crappy actioner, it also attempts to become a nonsensical message about poor celebrities, and from its dumb plot it attempts to pass of commentary, problem is it isn’t smart enough to pull off that sort of commentary, especially commentary no really intelligent person gives a shit about.