So, you’re likely asking, why in the name of tap-dancing Jesus would anyone even think about creating a sequel to one of the worst movies ever made. Well–your guess is really as good as mine. Make an assortment of guesses. Because I have no flipping clue. Anyway, literally about fifteen minutes in to my notes, I’m watching, and hoping, and then I see the zombies whom have green teeth, and bad white skin. Their teeth is neon green by the way, and their skin makes them look like mimes. And then I put one star without a doubt next to the title. Sometimes I’ll end up changing it, but usually the grade I give a film stays permanent and I didn’t have to worry about changing it during the course of this wretched sequel. It’s a bad movie. Really bad. Not Uwe Boll bad, that I can attest to, but it’s bad. And there’s still no fucking house.
Tag Archives: Comedy
The Talent Given Us (2004)
This was in Sundance? This? This crap? So, how does one get a bad film in to Sundance? Well, you first film the movie on a handheld camera to give it a real indie look, then you cast your parents because all these self-indulgent “artists” cast their relatives, but you don’t stop there, you cast your sisters and their friends, and then you write a script and then let your two main stars bicker at one another improvising just to make it look cool, and then to make it conventional, you have two people whom look like they’ve never been outside their neighborhood take a cross country road trip where they happen to come across their friends on this trip.
The Aristocrats (2005) (DVD)
Now for the record, I’ve heard the joke told on this film months before its actual release, and I have my own version I tell that involves a baby, a small girl, and a lot of piss. But I digress. The thing you must know about this joke is that it’s not about the punch line, it’s the descriptions within the lead up to the punch line. It’s not that funny of a joke, you won’t even laugh, but the description is the genius. The set up: “A man walks in to a Vaudeville agents office and says: ‘Boy, do I have an act for you!'” and thus begins one of the most vile jokes ever told.
Wallace & Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005)
A couple of months before I was able to grab a hold of a copy of “Were-rabbit”, I was able to catch on television the three shorts of the adventures of “Wallace and Gromit”. They’re three claymation shorts that earned a massive cult following. Usually, it’s very hip to say that anything nominated for an Oscar isn’t that good, but “Wallace and Gromit” is one of those Oscar properties that really did get the praise it deserved. Trust when I say this, Wallace and Gromit is far from overrated.
Kinsey (2004)
Alfred Charles Kinsey was a true pioneer of his time. Back then in the fifties conservatism and religion were all powerful and the mere mention of or exploration in to the world of sex was shocking and considered almost criminal. Kinsey gave the religious right a good scare and shook up the foundation of conservative America exposing it as anything but. He helped to bring down the mythological “American Values”, and “Nuclear family” by exposing us as human. Cleverly though, “Kinsey” is not approached with a dramatic angle, which is difficult when tackling a biographical account of a man whose father was disciplinary, and who challenged modern conventions.
Pom Poko (Heisei tanuki gassen ponpoko) (1994)
“Pom Poko” is an utterly original and incredibly odd animated film that’s really not just a fantasy fable, but more of a commentary on society. The raccoons here are more or less their own worst enemies and they can’t even realize it. Rather than focusing on preserving their land, keeping their family from over-populating, and remembering their priorities they’re more concerned with eating, sleeping, and once they grab a hold of a television, they’re more concerned with what’s on than with what’s going on.
Seed of Chucky (2004)
When can you tell that a horror franchise has run out of steam? When it begins spoofing itself. Much like “Scream”, much like “Halloween”, and, yes, much like my beloved “Friday the 13th” series. It’s safe to say that once a series has resorted to spoofing itself from the very beginning, you know its run out of ideas, and you just know its writers aren’t even trying, anymore. Mancini’s newest spin-off of the “Child’s Play” franchise is yet another sequel that takes every chance in saying “We’re stupid, and we know we’re stupid, so look how not stupid we are by pointing out how stupid this story is.”