There is nothing worse than a slasher movie that takes forever to get going. Directors Michael Hoffman Jr. and Aaron T. Wells build a film almost two hours long that takes thirty minutes to really get in motion. I’m not averse to watching hot girls jiggle around and play in pools, but you have to give us something more if you’re not going to directly begin hacking characters to death. “Girls Gone Dead” doesn’t enter in to its actual plot until thirty minutes. The first half hour is nothing but filler and bad exposition. Save for a funny cameo from Linnea Quigley, the first half hour easily could have been cut or truncated for pacing.
Tag Archives: Horror
The Howling: Collector's Edition (Blu-Ray) (1981)
After over thirty years, director Joe Dante’s “The Howling” has thankfully managed to survive its dated premise and concept, and remains a very good horror classic. While it’s surely not the best werewolf film I’ve ever seen (“An American Werewolf in London,” anyone?), it’s definitely a werewolf picture that stands above its contemporaries. It presents audiences with a steady and rich balance of slow burn mystery, werewolf terror, and some fun dark humor that’s peppered ever so lightly throughout the film.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994)
Originally I was very upset at the notion of a “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” back in 2003 when it was announced. The original is so perfect as is, it’s tough to think that someone would try to top it. Thankfully the remake didn’t top it, and after watching it I realized my antipathy toward it was pointless because “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” is one of the many genre classics that’s been unofficially remade almost a dozen times already. So what’s the big deal? And as much as I enjoyed the sequels, they also couldn’t quite top the original film. And Tobe Hooper was behind the second film, oddly enough.
Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959)
“My friend, you have seen this incident, based on sworn testimony. Can you prove that it didn’t happen?” And then with startling dramatic gleam, our babbling narrator Criswell declares, “Perhaps, on your way home, someone will pass you in the dark, and you will never know it… for they will be from outer space!” Only this sort of sheer nonsense could come from the one and only “Plan 9 from Outer Space,” one of the absolute best films ever made. It’s a film that is so bad you can barely look away throughout its run time. Films of this ilk like “Reefer Madness” and “Robot Monster” must be appreciated in the same vein.
Holliston: Season 2, Episode 1
You could reasonably make the assertion that I’ve rooted for “Holliston” to stink. And you wouldn’t be that far off. I didn’t root for it to stink, but I was never an ardent supporter of it from out the gates because I simply had nothing to gain from it. “Holliston” is still a vanity project and is still a bit odd, but thankfully the show has gotten better.
“Holliston” is working for the horror fans and focusing on being a sitcom for horror geeks. So there are horror references aplenty, including an opening scene that’s gory and funny. I couldn’t believe I found myself giggling through most of the season premiere of season two where as most of season one left me waiting for the episodes to end mercifully.
V/H/S 2 (2013)
Like the first “V/H/S,” the sequel to the acclaimed anthology surely won’t re-invent the wheel, but it still manages to be a very good horror film with a killer series of stories. Meshing the found footage sub-genre with the anthology film. “V/H/S 2” learns from the mistakes of the first film by reducing the number of stories and lengthening them for more exposition. There are still inherent flaws and plot holes injected in to this sequel, but for this outing there’s a better sense of coherency, and a lot less filler. Rather than the more confusing premises from the first film, this time around the four stories are much easier to follow. To wit, they’re much more entertaining.
Who Can Kill a Child? (Quin puede matar a un nio?) (1976)
In the sub-genre of killer children films, “Who Can Kill a Child?” is the best I’ve ever seen. Sure, many people will choose “Village of the Damned” but for my money, it doesn’t equal the grit and grim atmosphere of director Narciso Ibáñez Serrador’s horror film. Not by a long shot. “Who Can Kill a Child?” experienced a lot of censorship and banning upon its initial release, because it’s a film that doesn’t flinch from its premise.