The premise is actually quite clever. A ridiculous make over show, that gets its kicks and paycheck out of “re-animating” old homes enlists the help of a mad scientist they plan to put on television and rejuvenate his home. The problem is this mad scientist is indeed psychotic, and seven years before failed in a project that would create mechanic zombies for the military. Today the makeover show has signed onto re-do his house, but he has other plans for them. He wants to re-create his army come hell or high water.
Tag Archives: Horror
Sasquatch Mountain (Devil on the Mountain) (2006)
Want to make a monster movie but don’t have enough of the resources? It’s easy. Cast a cult actor for about five minutes, litter your film with nothing but character actors, and include a man in a monster suit draped in the shadows the entire time. “Sasquatch Mountain” is not a ride on Six Flags, but a pretty lame monster movie that I happened to catch on television recently. Shot in a rather annoying blue tint for the entire film, “Sasquatch Mountain” involves mercenaries, hillbilly hunters, a Blair Witch themed sub-plot, and Cerina Vincent as a hostage. I adore how these horror films try to include everything for everyone, and neither of the attempts is amusing.
The Woods (2006)
Director Lucky McKee’s second film is another twisted tale involving the sick minds of women, and delves into the psyches of girls both old and young, and bears shades of “Whispering Corridors” and “Suspiria.” With a cast of Patricia Clarkson, Bruce Campbell, and Agnes Bruckner, respectively, it’s a damn shame “The Woods” won’t get much attention beyond horror fans, and curious video renters with a two for one card. Because McKee is on his game here, and my expectations for “The Woods” were met above and beyond.
Snakes on a Train (2006)
For their credit, this is one of their more competent pieces of crap, and that’s because there’s considerably good gore, and an interesting take on ripping off “Snakes on a Plane.” But, if there’s any more of example of the inconsistency behind Asylum’s newest rip-off it’s the two characters at the beginning whom are illegal immigrants and can’t understand nor speak English to a Texas man sneaking them across the border, yet when they get on a train and meet a friend, they begin understanding and speaking perfect English.
I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)
You figure in the world of cynical teenagers, technology, MTV, and the over saturation of slasher films, that the characters in this would be a little less horrified. Hell, they’re all very astonished at the story of a masked killer with a hook who comes after teenagers. And the song goes: a group of teenagers, a prank that goes awry, one year later, they re-unite, and the killing starts. Funny thing is, whether it’s Sarah Michelle Gellar, or some girl we’ve never seen before, the characters here are still very interchangeable. I hated the first two films, so I wasn’t keen on watching yet another sequel, and as I guessed it, “I’ll Always Know” is basically just routine.
Pulse (2006)
This is my review, I’m writing it right now, on my computer, on my black keyboard, currently I’m very sleepy, and I’m hoping to catch some sleep after I’ve finished my work, I’m writing this review of “Pulse”, a movie, that came out in theaters. Tedious? Yes. But that’s what sitting through “Pulse” was like, a remake that feels it needs to hold our hand and explain every little plot aspect to us every minute of its entire fucking run time. Tedious, no? Well, if you haven’t heard, we’re too stupid to understand a story, so Dimension has to guide us through every single character and sub-plot just because we can’t catch up.
The Wanderer (2006)
We here are all basically a site for film, but our love for horror films is so evident and vocal, that we’re mostly sent horror films to review from directors—we didn’t plan it, but we’re happy for that fact. And nine times out of ten, the directors that send us their horror films are immensely talented. The talent behind “The Wanderer” is evident by the opening scenes of a young girl walking along the road, with the grainy direction never breaking from her.