Aquamarine (2006)

It’s hard to really deny that Jojo and Emma Roberts have an interesting chemistry. Had the writers chosen to make “Aquamarine” a down to Earth glimpse at friendship with a mermaid, and turned away from the sickening fluff, there could have been something very emotional and clutching. But in the end, it’s really just a typical on-screen friendship. The girls are bubbly, and boring, and Roberts is your typical geeky character, etc. There’s one interesting sequence in which the two argue and bring about issues that are never confronted in the film. And I sat there wondering why the hell this was never brought up with a lengthier and complex scope. For a film that claims to be about friendship, it’s sad we didn’t see more of the depth available with the two main characters here. Jojo and Roberts’ chemistry is charming to watch, and I didn’t despise watching them yammer back and forth. Meanwhile, I could have done with more scenes featuring Arielle Kebbel as the obligatory bitchy character because… well, Kebbel is gorgeous. Need I say more?

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Sidekick (2005)

I’ve been a comic book fan since I was a very small kid. Before I could read they were great to look at, and I’d have someone tell me their names, when I learned to read they were fun to dive into, even if I didn’t always understand the stories. When I became older, they were fun to read because the stories were so damn good depending on what comic you read, and when I became a man, I learned subtext, commentary, and undertones for the better, and I sought out deeper material. Either way, comic book fandom is a hobby that evolves over time, and de Graaf has the right idea of the love for comic books. There have been many an homage to the Superhero genre, but “Sidekick” is a completely different one altogether.

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The New World (2005)

new_worldThe story of Pocahontas just isn’t interesting. There’s nothing about this pseudo-historical tale about a young woman who became civilized that attracts it to me. With “The New World,” there’s no new angle presented to the audience, no new exploration of other characters, and the soapy drippy romance is still present and accounted for. “The New World” just didn’t live up to the hype that preceded it, and that’s because Malick anxiously looks for a new method of telling this yarn and pretty much never achieves his goals in that respect from the get go.

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Dracula – Masterpiece Theatre (2007)

It’s a requirement that anyone playing Lucy Westenra should possess a great deal of sexual allure, for the simple fact that it gives logic to Dracula’s hunt on her before going after Mina. And Sophia Myles hands the requirement like a pro. Myles is utterly ravishing in “Dracula” and she’s lusted after, for good reason, throughout much of the film, possessing her usual charm and likable charisma that makes her such a memorable actress. Myles also has a palpable chemistry with Leonidas, who manages to portray the charming innocence with Myles as the blonde siren that eventually gets bitey.

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Forty Shades of Blue (2005)

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Sachs’ love triangle a la Sundance is just more art house malarkey deemed important and groundbreaking, when it’s more soapy melodramatic fodder with a dull plot and a lackluster series of performances. I was severely disappointed as I was looking forward to “Forty Shades of Blue.” Mainly because the film looked to be an interesting take on the love triangle set to a life of a woman won by a man with a brutal ego.

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Grandma's Boy (2006)

grandmas_boyRob Schneider, David Spade, I want you to get down on all fours and thank the stars you know Adam Sandler. Thank Sandler. Build an altar to him and thank him for helping your mere shreds you call careers. Where would you be without that douche bag? Nowhere and you know it. How else can you explain your cameos in “Grandma’s Boy,” an otherwise glorified custom made vehicle for all of Sandler’s pals? “Grandma’s Boy” is a vain film. Vain in the assumption that through endless sex jokes, and weed induced sight gags, that it’s making a commentary about ageism. Really, it’s nothing but a veil thrown over it to add a thin sense of non-existent intelligence.

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Breakfast on Pluto (2005)

breakfast_on_pluto_ver2_xlgI submit to you that if there’s a film that can perfectly express the notion of gay pride, “Breakfast on Pluto” would properly fit that ideology. Because, there’s never been a film before that’s depicted its flamboyantly homosexual main character before as something other than a caricature, gag, or sex joke. The character Patrick Braden is so utterly in tune with his own nature that he comes off more as an avenger and true symbol than as someone who is simply gay. Patrick knows he’s gay, dresses as women quite often, and simply will not be knocked down by people who fear his differences, because he enjoys what he is.

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