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10 Very, Very Silly Monsters

In the shabbier corners of cinema, there are the monsters who create wonder – you wonder how they ever wound up on big screen. For those who like movie monsters that inspire more smirks than shrieks, here are 10 creatures who give monsters a bad name.
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The Dark Tower (2017)

“The Dark Tower” spends ninety minutes telling a story while doing almost nothing but dumping exposition on the audience. And yet, when the movie was over I knew as little about this world coming out than I did going in to it. With films like “Lord of the Rings,” and “Star Wars,” the creators manage to disseminate information and world build while also giving audiences an experience. “The Dark Tower” feels so under-developed and poorly developed, almost feeling like a truncated idea of what kind of movie series “The Dark Tower” was intended to be. I still don’t know what the Dark Tower is. I still don’t know who Roland Deschain is.

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Jackpot! (2024)

Now Available for Streaming on Amazon Prime.

Paul Feig’s “Jackpot!” is that horrible, malt-o-meal garbage movie meant mainly to be as edgy as possible without ever really intending to offend anyone. It disguises itself as social satire when really in the end it has zero to say. It’s just a flaccid hundred minutes drag through nonsense and emptiness. No one at any point in this movie seems to be mentally present, including John Cena who often looks a lot more like a walking action figure than anything else. With Feig’s premise you just assume you’d be in the market for a blood soaked science fiction film. At the very least, you’d expect a darkly comic if mean movie about greed and the way the economy has driven in to rabid dogs.

It’s actually a vanilla coming of age story with a premise that’s gradually pushed in to the background over the course of the narrative.

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The Five Best Films I Saw in 1999

1999 was such a formative year for many. I was sixteen and experiencing new hobbies, and learning to love movies. And the internet was still in its infancy, transforming in to a fascinating but still mysterious technology. 1999 had much to offer in the way of the film world with studios releasing so many interesting and great films. With the 25 year marked in 2024, I spotlighted five of the best films I saw in 1999.

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