Category Archives: Movie Reviews

Mortal Kombat (1995)

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After cribbing from the Cronenberg filmmaking handbook in “Event Horizon,” director Paul WS Anderson took the reins of the popular fighting game “Mortal Kombat.” A precursor to his handling of another popular genre game “Resident Evil,” director Anderson handles the adaptation of “Mortal Kombat” much in the way studios enjoy it. He takes a controversial, volatile, and violent video game, and transforms it in to a PG-13 action romp for teenage boys. With “Mortal Kombat” director Anderson almost gets it right. Close but no cigar.

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Return of the Jedi (1983)

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While “Return of the Jedi” has its legions of fans, it’s also a film that helps support the idea that third parts of film series are usually terrible. While “Return of the Jedi” is not the worst movie ever made, it’s a flimsy, and pandering final installment to a series that started off quite well. It’s very well documented that by the time “Return of the Jedi” came around, director George Lucas was a millionaire thanks to merchandise, and he used “Return” as a means of selling even more toys. Thus characters come back through contrived manners, villains are offed in the goofiest ways, and Lucas follows up his dark and mature “Empire Strikes Back” in favor of a more watered down film starring knee high teddy bears.

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Cockneys vs. Zombies (2013)

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C1xW9rDWhile we may not have a “Shaun of the Dead” sequel, I like to think of “Cockneys vs. Zombies” as the equally funny, and engaging story that occurred during Shaun’s trek to save his girlfriend. This time around, a construction crew accidentally unearths a mysterious tomb filled with corpses and skulls. When the workers are killed by the still re-animated denizens of the tombs, a zombie plague begins to spread across the East Side of London.

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Street Fighter (1994)

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1994’s “Street Fighter” represents the mentality of pretty much every studio head. Just throw a bunch of crap on screen and hope the audience doesn’t notice the movie sucks. In this instance “Street Fighter” throws a lot of the characters from the Street Fighter games on-screen and hopes no one notices that the movie is really damn awful. We noticed. Trust me. We noticed. Even at eleven years old I couldn’t understand why this was so bad while the games were so incredible.

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Sins of the Dragon (2012)

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It’s not often the heart and enthusiasm for a genre can carry over in to an indie production. “Sins of the Dragon” is obviously made by people who have a love for the martial arts and action genre, and thankfully they turn that love in to an entertaining and very creative short fantasy thriller about redemption, and traveling warriors.

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G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013)

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fkwnl8xIn spite of the heavy criticism it received, I really enjoyed “The Rise of Cobra” as a silly action movie fantasy that tried to have fun with its source material. The twenty six year old me in 2009 really enjoyed the goofy fun that was the first film, but the ten year old me loved every single moment of the cinematic adaptation of the famed toy line. “Retaliation” is still a very flawed film (stop letting RZA act in movies!), but it’s superior to the first installment in every way.

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The Last Dance – Raw Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1999)

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MST3K Raw is strictly for hardcore fans of the Mystery Science Theater show. It’s a series of raw clips and behind the scenes footage of the entire crew of the show filming the final episode in which Mike and his friends are accidentally sent back to Earth. As one final bit of pain, Pearl makes the guys watch “Diabolik.” I remember watching this last episode on the Sci-Fi Channel, and still wonder why the show had to come to a close. It was fine the way it was.

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