Donnie Darko: First of all, Papa Smurf didn’t create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel’s evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn’t happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don’t even have… reproductive organs under those little, white pants. It’s just so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. You know, what’s the point of living… if you don’t have a dick?
The Kegger (2007)
Phil Haney is one sick fuck. And trust me, that’s an ode of respect and praise to the man who created one of the best times I’ve had with an online short movie in a while. “The Kegger” is a film that seems obvious and yet will pretty much sweep the rug out from even the most cynical viewer who thinks they’re watching an “Animal House” wannabe. Even as a darkly demented frat house romp, “The Kegger” is rather hysterical with some great acting, and hilarious gags that left me breathless.
Justice League – The New Frontier (2008) (Two-Disc Special Edition DVD)
It was the Atomic age, it was the age of cynicism, is the age of optimism, it was the age of civil rights and feminism, yes folks, “Justice League: New Frontier” is not just a new frontier in its world, but a new frontier for the DC Animated Universe who for once approach a more adult Justice League with intellect, sophistication, and wonderful if startling glimpses at politics, racism, and military corruption. The folks behind the film vie for a more young adult approach by offering perspectives both psychological and social in these hero’s lives and dares to look behind the gods into the personalities.
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)
Hollywood is a lot like that idiotic kid of yours who, no matter how much confidence you allow, just can’t do anything right. You set up some optimism, let some benefit of the doubt slip in, and there he goes disappointing you yet again until you just stare at him thinking “Can’t you do anything right?” While Paul WS Anderson is that bad influence who keeps digging his hands into your affairs and fucking it up. In one drawn out obnoxious plot device, the sexy cheerleader girl asks her humble love interest: “Now… are you looking at me or the clock?” It’s almost as if she was talking to me, and I had to answer: “The Clock… the clock. Is it over yet?”
Across The Universe (2007) (DVD)
One of the benefits of being a hardcore Beatles fan is that I don’t really need to buy the covers of the best Beatles songs of all time presented in “Across the Universe.” Instead I have the entire soundtrack and much more in my grasp. Ain’t it sweet? “Across the Universe” gets a lot of guff for being that representation of the Beatles that wasn’t mean to be. It’s a movie, a mainstream movie, with a rather cliché story, but you know what? Fuck it. “Across the Universe” is an absolute masterpiece, a thrilling, chilling, and incredible musical experience that takes the best of the Beatles and transfers it into an awfully excellent romance and war time story under the direction of Julie Taymor who takes a movie and makes it into a cathartic experience for the fans.
Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007)
When I was a child, I absolutely loved the Chipmunks. And like every child born in the eighties, or born at the tail end of the eighties, I adored their covers of classic doo wop and Motown songs, with the squealed high pitch vocals, crude but effective animation and life lessons. And we all knew Alvin was the coolest. At the start of the sentence you’ll notice I said “When I was a Child” I loved the Chipmunks. Now, sitting here at twenty four years old, I long for the old series and find myself kicking my own ass at the fact that this eighties chic throwback entertained me.
Marvel Zombies: The Movie Trailer (2007)
Directors Scotty Fiels and Jim Ojala are asking for litigation for their fan film, and you know what? I’d gladly testify and plead for their mercy in the court room, because not only are these two wack jobs balls enough to approach an ambitious concept as Marvel Zombies, but they do it so damn well, it’s shocking. “Marvel Zombies” is a wonderful series in the Marvel Universe that involves an unknown germ that arrives in space via the superhero The Sentry, who turns into a zombie and infects every single superhero in the Marvel Universe in the process. So, obviously outmatched, humanity falls under the wave of super powered invincible flesh eating zombies who bring Earth to its knees eating everything in their sights.