For a film with such a great cast like Natasha Richardson, Patrick Swayze, Charlize Theron, and Billy Bob Thornton, it’s hard to believe this is such a bad film. The great cast manages to make due with the horrible script and directing including Theron and Richardson who are great as best friends who discover one another and their personalities. What’s worse is this is not just a bad film but a bad comedy and what makes it a bad comedy is that the script and antics performed by the actors force no laughs from the audience and basically will leave the audience with a stone cold face.
Welcome to Collinwood (2002)
Coming across as a pseudo “The Sting” except with much more comedy, five lowlife criminals discover the ultimate heist and decide to pull it off, but discover it’s not as glorious as it may be. This is hilarious. I have never laughed so hard in a modern comedy as I have with this; most of the antics reminded me of an “I Love Lucy” episode from the incident in the funhouse, to the water filled sewer, to when they have to cross the heated pipe and carnage ensues, this is hilarious. Director/writer team Anthony Russo and Joe Russo create fresh and original comedy out of a typical plot for a movie that could have easily fumbled into bad territory.
Far From Heaven (2002)
Upon first glance of the opening scenes of the film, it somewhat resembles Rockwellian landscape where this family lives in a quiet and serene neighborhood with trivial problems that arise occasionally. But as the film progresses, director Todd Haynes slowly unfolds this world that resembles a painting and shows that no one ever has the perfect life. I really wanted to love this movie, but there were such drawbacks that inevitably kept me from truly appreciating the material.
Piñata: Survival Island (2002)
I remember checking out the trailer for this online and thought it was a funny idea. So, when it finally appeared on television, I had to check it out for a laugh. After a long-winded and pretentious opener in which a Mexican narrator informs the audience about the legend of a piñata which held the evil essence of villagers to restore prominence back to the village, we get into modern times where a bunch of college students prepare for a scavenger hunt. If you’re going to watch this, watch this for the horror clichés that embroil within this. There’s your usual cast of characters that serve no other purpose than to die in the hands of the evil piñata.
Half Past Dead (2002)
This is like the action masterpiece “The Rock”, except for the fact that “The Rock” was original, and this is just as awful as anything I’ve ever seen. After being busted in a car theft ring, two gangster friends Nick (rapper Ja Rule) and Sasha (Steven Seagal) are jailed in New Alcatraz prison where mercenaries break in and storm the prison to hold a prisoner ransom who knows the location of a secret stash of over two hundred million dollars in gold. Now they must team up with other prisoners and beat the mercenaries before they kill everyone. I got the sense this is supposed to be a futuristic film, but there’s never truly verification. The prison is re-opened due to overcrowding and it’s supposedly advanced but shockingly stone age. The prison is supposed to be state of the art and advanced but there’s a shockingly low head count when it comes to prisoners (I counted twenty-five).
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
In this remake — I mean “re-imagining” of the shocking cult horror classic directed by Tobe Hooper, in 1973 five teens on their way to a rock concert find themselves on a deserted road where they pick up a hitchhiker (Laura German) who seems to have been in a traumatic ordeal, when they attempt to comprehend her condition, she commits suicide. The teens attempt to seek help at a large house and wind up entering a horrifying nightmare none of them can escape. Though the film has its flaws it also has a lot of good stuff in it; the filmmakers attempt to stick this so close to the original that comedian John Larroquette who narrated the original, returns to narrate this one; it’s a great tribute. One of the biggest aspects of the original film was the shock of finding that Larroquette (who is a comedian and starred in “Night Court”) narrated such a horrifying film, and the filmmakers don’t skimp out on the fans.
"The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" Soundtrack (CD)
I wasn’t a fan of the newest version of the cult classic horror film, and it wasn’t much of a change of mood when applied to this soundtrack. As always this is a soundtrack which is comprised solely of head banging hard rock, which isn’t a full complaint, but only a mild gripe. I wouldn’t expect Sarah McLachlan or James Taylor on a soundtrack to this film.