BAD MOVIE MONDAY: Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker

I’ve never liked reviewing a film right when it comes out. You get caught up in the hype whether you like it or not, swallowed into the propellers of either the always positive marketing machine or the always negative social media rage engine, both of which are revving at full speed. So your review suffers because you can’t stay impartial in that sort of environment. It’s like trying to judge the power of a hurricane while standing in the eye of the storm. I saw this movie a few years ago. I won’t say that I “watched” it because that wouldn’t be accurate.

I played it on a streaming service and then sort of half glanced at the screen. Now, in the interest of science, I’m going to watch it again because I feel it’s a good example of what I like to call “advertiser friendly corporate content.” This is the sort of movie that has an insultingly low opinion of its audience. It’s cynical, insincere, soulless, lazy, and ultimately empty. It’s to cinema what school cafeteria food is to cuisine.
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My Favorite Pulp Superhero Movies of All Time

The 1990’s were weird when it came to superhero movies. Studios weren’t willing to invest in actual movies starring mainstream characters from Marvel or DC Comics. And in 1989 after the success of Tim Burton’s “Batman” movie, studios left the financial success with the wrong idea. Rather than opting to take a shot on other big line superhero movies, they chose to instead aim for the pulpy nostalgia that the film brought audiences. So they mined the comic book world and began adaptation pulp superheroes from the 1930’s and 1940’s, all of whom were very popular in their time.

Only a few them took off, while sadly many failed to translate in to humongous success. That said, the pulp superhero movie era of the 1990’s was a great time for fans like me that just adored pulp superheroes. I don’t care. I loved pretty much all of it, and I still do. In celebration of the upcoming “Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny,” I compiled a list of my absolute favorite pulp movies of all time.

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Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)

“The Dial of Destiny” is significant not only in that it’s a movie primarily about time, but about wanting to go back in time and fix mistakes. The Indiana Jones we see here is not the Indiana Jones we saw in “Raiders of the Lost Ark” or even “The Last Crusade.” He’s older, he’s war torn, and he’s grappling with so much regret that he’s lost his passion for adventuring. When we see Indiana Jones he’s a man who has lived two full lives and he’s thrust back in to what is arguably his final adventure and it’s bittersweet.

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The Flash (2023)

Like it or lump it, after delays, and delays, and restarts, and bad press, and alterations, and production problems “The Flash” is finally here. And–I lumped it. It’s not to say that “The Flash” is the worst movie from the DCEU yet, but it’s definitely not one of the best. It’s a shame as the trailers inspired so much optimism and enthusiasm, but at the end of the day, it’s a terribly mixed bag with occasional redeeming qualities. Beyond the fan service, and Easter eggs scattered throughout, “The Flash” is right at the level of “Shazam: Fury of the Gods”; whether or not that’s a positive perspective is up to you.

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Dogs Are Man’s Only Best Friend in the “John Wick” Universe

“You Hit My Puppy.” – Mr. Nobody

When we first meet John Wick, he’s already hanging on a thread. He’d all but expended his humanity on his past life. He’d spent his entire life as a ruthless hit man known as the dehumanizing name of “El Baba Yaga.” All sense of what makes him a person had been lost thanks to the mythologizing of his time as a career hit man. When he meets his wife Helen, he sadly loses her to terminal cancer, which ultimately causes him to reflect on not only giving up but relinquishing whatever trace of heart and soul that he had left. When Helen leaves him a young Beagle named Daisy, much to his surprise and chagrin, she’s not only giving him a purpose but a part of his humanity. If she can’t be there to take care of him and love John, at least he can have Daisy to care for and become friends with.

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Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (2023)

I’d like to believe that 2018’s “Bumblee” kind of rubbed off on the studios and it caused them to go in to another direction with their “Transformers” movie series. The “direction” being making their “Transformers” series watchable, entertaining, and coherent. Where as the previous films were all overlong, droning, loud, and obnoxious, “Rise of the Beasts” actually manages to be a very good time. And I say that as someone that’s been completely dismissing anything and everything about “Transformers” since the movies wound up being so god awful. “Bumblebee” being the exception, of course.

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Heroes of the Golden Mask (2023)

Inside “Heroes of the Golden Mask” there’s a great film desperate to bust out. It has a cool concept, some solid animation, and a neat mythology behind it. It’s just once you get down to the nit and grit of the narrative and some lingering plot holes, it never rises above being just average. It’s definitely a direct to video kind of animated movie better suited for basic cable, despite its best efforts. That’s not for lack of trying, though. Director Sean Patrick O’Reilly has a large career in producing budget animation. He and Arcana Studios have helped engineer titles such as “The Steam Engines of Oz,” and the mildly amusing “Howard Lovecraft and the Frozen Kingdom.”

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