Director Daniel Benmayor seems to want to create his own version of “Battle Royale” with a hint of “Saw” and “Predator” mixed in to the fold. In the process, he manages to create one of the most moronic genre entries in a very long time. “Paintball” tries to take a normal sport and turn it on its head, in hopes of becoming something in the arena of “Jaws.” But the only thing this movie will inspire you not to do is watch it again. “Paintball” works against logic and common sense from the get go by writing characters that are all numbskulls. They’re so idiotic that when it becomes painfully clear they’re being hunted, they still hold their paintball guns in front of them like weapons and aim. What were they hoping to do with ineffective paintballs? Stain the killer to death?
Tag Archives: Adventure
In the Army Now (1994)
Pauly Shore?! In the Army?! But–what wackiness will ensue from this mash up? The nineties were a time where Hollywood attempted to thrust Pauly Shore on American audiences. And it seemed for a while that Shore was well on his way to becoming a comedy icon. That is, until America caught on quicker than he could establish himself. It was a case of “He’s kind of funny… wait, no he’s not!” Hell even I kind of liked him for a while. It’s a pretty sad commentary on the decade, when the comedy rebel we’re given is Pauly Shore of all people.
Airheads (1994)
It’s hard to believe that at one point in time, Brendan Fraser was a bigger star than Adam Sandler. Where in Adam Sandler was a general up and comer in “Airheads,” Fraser takes top billing, even over character actor Steve Buscemi. While a childhood favorite, “Airheads” is one of those nineties comedies that hasn’t aged well at all. Surely, back then it was a fun film and has survived mainly by fans of Sandler, and nostalgiaddicts from the nineties, but objectively “Airheads” is a lame comedy that is sparse on laughs. I have fond memories of watching this movie repeatedly when it was on VHS, but these days it’s merely just a sub-par vehicle for its cast of character actors.
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)
This is what the “Star Wars” prequels should have been. An amazing young warrior torn by lust for power by an evil master, and honor and duty by a noble master, both of whom are fighting for the young soul’s innocence. If only, folks, if only. In the end though, Director Ang Lee’s masterpiece made me wish Director George Lucas would have just paid attention and taken some notes! That said, “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” is beautiful, it’s wonderfully acted, and yes, it’s a masterpiece. “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” is a beautifully layered and complex storyline with numerous sub-plots, all of which never go unresolved and under explored.
Fast Five (2011)
Where the first in the series of action films was a remake of “Point Break,” director Justin Lin’s “Fast Five” is an iteration of “Ocean’s Eleven.” This time around, Justin Lin assembles characters from the first four “Fast” films to combine forces and steal from the richest man in Rio De Janeiro. When Dominic is broken out of jail by his old friend Briand and his sister Mia, he disappears leaving his friends to wonder where he ended up. During a big heist involving boosting cars from a local drug lord Hernan Reyes, Dominic appears to help Brian and Mia complete the job. But all goes wrong, when the group’s cohorts decide to change the deal. Little do they know that within one of the car’s is a chip containing a crucial stats about Reyes operation.
Marvel's Avengers Assemble!
I guess with the not so stellar ratings of the fantastic “Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes,” Disney figured it’d be a good idea to lay the ground work for another “Avengers” vehicle. This time, “The Avengers” are much closer to their cinematic counterparts, taking off from the first movie, and including superhero The Falcon, who is slated to appear in the upcoming sequel. What’s sad is, when you think about it, “Avengers Assemble” is actually a spin off of “Ultimate Spider-Man.” Marvel has laid the ground work for this new series with guest spots from the movie versions of the Avengers since the show started, with appearances from Iron Man, Thor, and the sun glasses donning Hawkeye.
The Three Musketeers (1993)
Many people comment on how Disney took a generally dark and adult novel and watered it down for their audience. To those people, I ask: Have you ever seen Paul WS Anderson’s version of the Dumas novel? If anything, what “The Three Musketeers” lacks in poeticism, it makes up for in entertainment value, at least. And I am a big fan of the casting of Keifer Sutherland as the leader of the Musketeers. Basically, Alexandre Dumas’ tale remains fairly in tact save for one caveat. The Musketeers live happily ever after. But then Disney took “Hunchback of Notre Dame” and turned Quasimodo in to a kind hearted gent with a mild facial disfigurement who becomes the hero of his city in the end of the movie, so it comes with the territory.