Why anyone would want to rip off “The Matrix” is understandable; it was a very influential movie that paved the way for a lot of really bad, and mediocre rip-offs to come for years that I would inevitably have to suffer through, but why anyone would want to rip-off “The Fast and the Furious”, a mediocre action popcorn flick fueled (no pun intended) only by Vin Diesel’s pecks and some good effects is a stunner. Like many have said, dumb studio execs tend to confuse high grosses with film quality and what “The Fast and the Furious” had was not quality. Charisma? Yes. Good effects? Granted. But quality? I’m afraid not, my friend, so why do we have to suffer through these horrible rip-offs? Directed by Joseph Kahn, who is, surprise, surprise, a music video director, composes one really bad B movie that isn’t even worthy of being called a B movie because it’s so blatantly a really long drawn out music video sans the music ad nauseum.
Tag Archives: Comedy
Love Actually (2003)
Love. It’s a beautiful feeling. And it’s the worst pain one can experience. But “Love Actually” is a celebration of both sides of love. Longing, happy marriages, and crushes, and oh so much more. Deep down it’s a dedication to the people of 9/11, as the introduction declares, and it’s plenty resonant in the all-star tribute with a humongous cast of talented actors from Liam Neeson to Colin Firth right down to Martin Freeman, Elisha Cuthbert, and Billy Bob Thorton. In this episodic Capra-esque fairytale, we meet a large group of people experiencing life and love in all ends of the terminology. There are really too many sub-plots to mention, but I’ll try.
Ali G Indahouse
“Ali G Indahouse” is a lot like that funny joke you told someone, and you kept telling it to people; and the more you told it, the less funny it got. That’s the sad thing here that Sasha Baron Cohen should have learned; sometimes you just can’t take a funny character and extend it into an hour and a half film because it’s very hard to muster up enough material for a large amount of time. It’s not that “Ali G Indahouse” is bad—well it’s bad—but it’s also unfunny, very unfunny. Not once did I laugh, not even with Martin Freeman from “The Office” co-starring, not once did I chuckle or guffaw, seriously this was so damn stupid and painfully obvious in its jokes.
The Rundown (2003)
There’s an ironic scene in the movie where the rock passes Arnold Schwarzenneger in a very brief cameo and he says “Have Fun”, a declaration in its own way poetic as the rock makes his way into the gallery and pantheon of action stars of the past with “The Rundown”. Dwayne Johnson can act, and here he plays reluctant superhero Beck, a free agent on the rundown of a fugitive in the Brazilian jungle who owes some people money. Travis, is a man whose father wants him back home to pay off his debts and Beck, tired of violence, gives him options on either going easily or roughly. Of course Beck chooses the latter, and now Beck must face off against a vicious mob boss who wants Travis to lead him to a priceless relic, and against the natural dangers of the jungle, and Travis who is less than submissive.
Bulletproof Monk (2003)
I never read an issue of the actual comic this was based on, but judging by this often times ridiculous and stupid piece of popcorn numb skullery, the comic can’t be that good. This is the type of stuff that would appeal to a fourteen year old boy, the type of film that unfortunately plays more like a “Power Rangers” episode than an actual comic book movie with an awful fight sequence in the opening amidst a backdrop of a bad CGI forest in which Chow Yun Fat, our hero, and his master fight along a bridge as a young boy looks on. The young boy, by the way, is shown quite often, but disappears later on in the movie to play no role whatsoever, but I digress. This is one of those films with one of those odd realities in which everyone, everyone knows Kung Fu! Even the German soldier villains. I don’t know it. I can handle myself well, but I don’t know kung fu, but alas, if I lived in this reality I’d know it automatically. If only, eh?
Coffee and Cigarettes (2004)
This movie has a lot of quirky, funny moments. Iggy Pop Meeting Tom Waits, for instance, and just jawing about whether they’re on the jukebox or not, and the White Stripes talking about Tesla coils and the resonance of the earth. It’s an arty film, and if arty films are your bag, you’ve found the right place. If you like Jarmusch, you’ve also found the right place. There are a number of recurring themes that resound nicely. Certain cups, certain patterns on tables, and certain lines of dialogue are mentioned.
Super Size Me (2004)
Why did Spurlock pinpoint his attack on McDonald’s? Because it’s the most famous franchise in America, it’s everywhere and has paved its way into pop culture and our very daily activities, kids whom are interviewed here could not identify pictures of George Washington or Jesus Christ, but quickly identified Ronald McDonald, the McDonald’s mascot. But surely it’s also due to the lawsuits given to them from obese people who claimed their food affected their life. I bet you’re saying what I thought: “They ate the food, it’s all their fault”, and in some cases it’s true, but the fast food companies are to blame as well. Documentary director Morgan Spurlock attempts to prove the judges who claim there’s no proof fast food had any effects on the victim’s health, and brings to the table the message of the severity of fast food consumption by going on an all McDonald’s diet for thirty days.